Archives: Falling Into Love

November 29, 2006 - Wednesday
Current mood: satisfied

How many times a day to you hear the phrase "fall in love"?
I'm guessing at least 47; add another 32 on top of that if you watch anything on Oxygen or Lifetime.

Being the logically-minded, cynical, occasionally bitter person I am, I have always hated the phrase "fall in love". It implies weakness. I picture a woman and a man whimsically and absent-mindedly flailing about until they haphazardly stumble into each other's arms, too caught up in the feeling of it all to pay attention to anything else that might be happening around them. They just can't stop smiling and gazing into each other's eyes. They can't keep from touching one another. The world is spinning around them, but they are standing still, lost in the love they have just fallen into.

Puke.

I always said I would never fall in love. I would logically make a decision to step into love with someone, knowing full-well the risks and rewards associated with forming such a relationship.

I have been talking to a close friend about some guy problems she has been dealing with lately..I don't have any men problems of my own right now (no men = no men problems). And since I am problem-free, I figured I would give some sage advice to my friend, who has had a recent surge in the male-problem department. I don't know what it is. Apparently they published an article in the Testosterone Tribune (the bi-weekly newsletter published by males, for males, and about females) alerting everyone that she is single, beautiful, available, and has a lot to offer. Why it took so long for them to take notice, I'll never know. I'm just waiting for that article about me to circulate...even a mass email would be fine.

As I was talking with my friend, though, I started to notice how completely dubious I sound about love and romantic things. Maybe I've been burned too much in the past. Maybe I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. Maybe I'm just too much of a realist for my own good.

Because I am avoiding falling in love, but rather trying to "logically step into it," I am afraid I have formed a bad habit. I try to read the circumstances. I try to make things happen. I try to see how the relationship is unfolding before it even begins. I am so conscientious about stepping into love, that I try to see the potential for nearly every man I meet. "Hmm. He plays guitar and goes to my church..maybe he's my future husband." "I wonder what would happen if I married this guy..he has a great family and a good job." "Mrs. Nicole Humperdink*. Hmm. It has a nice ring to it." "Wow. That guy is really cute. I wonder what our children would look like."Well, as ludicrous as those thoughts may seem, they are true. Ladies, if you don't admit that you have those kinds of thoughts sometimes, then you're lying. If men knew what we really thought, they would turn around and RUN the other way. Well, as I was talking to my friend, I realized that in my pursuit of logical love, I have tried to learn my future prematurely.

It's better to read a book the way the Author intended, rather than skipping ahead to try to figure out the end. You miss the most important parts. You sacrifice the story for the sake of finding out what happens.

Does that analogy make sense?If I keep speculating about each man I meet, if I keep trying to figure it all out, I'm going to miss the good part of my story. I'm going to miss out on the romance and the wooing. I'm going to miss out on the relationship that needs to be built in order for love to happen. I need to stop skipping ahead and just let things happen naturally. Allow myself to be pursued. Allow myself to be won over. Allow myself to...fall into love. I don't have to be whimsical and airy about it, but I can at least enjoy the ride. So, ladies, I motion that we stop imaging every man we meet in a tuxedo. Let's just start meeting people as people...not as potential future husbands or fathers of our finest children. Let's just meet people. You can think a man is attractive. You can shoot those flirty glances and smiles his way. But let him do the chasing. And that's not primitive or anti-fem or anything. It's just nice to be pursued. It makes us feel beautiful and lovely and desirable.Take things one day at a time. Don't rush ahead. Don't try to skip to the end and miss out on the best part of the story.

*Humperdink is a ficticious name used for illustrative purposes only and in no way reflects my feelings or ambitions toward any real person who may bear this particular surname.

Currently listening : Phil Wickham By Phil Wickham Release date: 25 April, 2006