February 21, 2006 - Tuesday
Current mood: crazy
This is a true story. The biography of a 23 year old girl, temporarily thrown into motherhood well before her time. The people are real, but the names have been changed to protect the identities of everyone involved.
It all started on a blustery Wednesday night in mid-February. There was an eery chill in the air and Nicola knew she was in for a stressful week. Her parents had decided to jaunt a few states over to Florida to watch the Daytona 500...A slight inconvenience, of course. But Nicola contemplated how her parents had provided and cared for her throughout her entire life, and she decided to comply with their request (that, and they really left her no choice). Wednesday night was rather uneventful. Her brother Mitchelo, finished his homework, took care of the animals, and retired for the evening. Nicola took care of some household chores, and prepared herself for her lovely day off tomorrow.
Thursday was wonderful. No problems. No major messes. Nicola began to think that perhaps this week wouldn't be so terrible afterall.
Friday morning, Mitchelo got ready for school, and Nicola groggily took him to his friend's house where he was to catch the bus for school. Nicola made sure she had plenty of time to get him there, but Mitchelo noticed the bus passing by on the way to his friend's house, and told Nicola that apparently the bus had come early that morning, and that she would have to drive him to school. They arrived back home, and Nicola resigned herself to the fact that she would not be resting anymore that morning, and about 10 minutes later, Mitchelo's friend Keitho called to ask Mitchelo why he wasn't there to catch the bus. Nicola wearily took Mitchelo and Keitho to school that morning, and as she was driving, Keitho explained that the bus driver drives past the house two times to go around the circle before actually stopping at his house. Nicola's brain was saying, "I told you so", but her mouth simply smiled.
When Saturday arrived, Nicola knew the remainder of the weekend, and into the next week, would be very taxing on her. For now she would be caring not only for young Mitchelo, but also for a bright young girl named Kristena and her teenage brother named Davido. She worked hard all day long, and then stood in the freezing cold temperatures to fill up her car with gas for the long and grueling journey that lay ahead of her in the following days.
The next two days were filled with entertaining children, preparing food, cleaning up after children, enforcing regulatory bath and shower times, and supervising calls to mommy and daddy.
From Saturday until Tuesday, Nicola drove over 150 miles, just around her small village. She had to continually travel back and forth between the house of Kristena and Davido and the house of Nicola and young Mitchelo. Mitchelo was requried to take care of all of his animals twice a day, which made for some very tiresome journeys through the vast countryside. Nicola would arise around 6:00 in the morning, and not lay her head to the pillow until approximately 12:30AM because she was busy cleaning, preparing for the next day, doing laundry, and writing in her online journals.
There were some tears, some tummy aches, and some wimpering calls to mommy, but through it all Nicola learned the joys and challenges of motherhood. She decided that she would never have children and probably never even get married...Either that, or she would simply not attempt to manage two households at once for a long time...
And they all lived happily ever after. The End.
Currently ListeningThe Mission BellBy Delirious?see related
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Wednesday, February 1, 2006
Archives: Do You Believe Those Who are Single are the Devil's Children?
February 1, 2006 - Wednesday
Current mood: aggravated
OK, on another website I frequent, I have been involved in a discussion about this article. Here's the link: http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001199.cfm
read it, then come back and let me know what you think!
My grandmother has a really bad habit. Well, she probably wouldn't consider it a bad habit, but me (along with all of her other grandchildren) are severely annoyed. We all know she is going to do it. If you're over the age of 16, and you're in her presence, you can count on it. She greets you, gives you a hug, tells you one of two things (you look nice, or "don't you ever wear makeup?"), spends some time in casual conversation, compliments you a little. And just when you think you've escaped it, these words flow forth from her mouth like molten lava from a volcano, "So, Nicole (or whichever grandchild she happens to be talking to), you got a boyfriend...yet?"
Now, my cousins and I have been able to come up with some pretty creative responses to this question. One said, "No, Mama, I've decided I'm not going to get married." I told her once, "No. No boys like me. No boys will ever like me. I've just resigned myself to that fact." But the one classic response that left her speechless came from my sister (it was indeed a proud moment in the family), "No, Grandma, I'm a lesbian"...I'm trying to come up with a response to top that for next time. Bless my Grandma's heart. She is a very young grandmother. Young in years, and young at heart. She is a beautiful woman, a fashionable dresser, and a loving and godly person, but she just doesn't get it. Things were different in her day. She was married at the ripe old age of 15. She had more than one child at the age of 20. That life was all she knew. So she thinks me and my cousins are all old maids, and we better find us a man before it's slim pickin's.
She doesn't realize that the world is different now. Just like the author of this article doesn't realize that times have changed since the Bible. I don't go out and sit by the well to wait for a man to ask me to water his camels. I don't wear a veil to church. I don't go out and work in the family fields all day. I don't keep silent so as not to disturb the men.
Over time, God has allowed women a little more freedom. Some may call this a curse, I count it a blessing. Call it whatever you want, we are not the same. And with this added freedom comes added responsibility. We are now able to participate in worship services. We can go out and have a good time with our friends. We can have jobs and receive good education. We can be scholars of the Bible and drive cars and live our lives and date (that's right, I said 'the d word').
In the world we live in right now, we would never dream of sending a 14 year old girl into marriage. That's what they did in the Bible, though. But what Ms. Maken doesn't realize is that girls were sent into marriage at such a young age because they lifted a huge financial burden from their families. One less mouth to feed, one less kid to watch. And a 14 year old girl would have already learned all the ins and outs about keeping house, caring for children, tending the animals, providing for a husband. Times have changed. It is perfectly fine for a woman to wait until she is in her 20's to get married.
And it's not because of superficial men. I know many young men who are living godly lives and trusting God for their futures. I know a lot of men who would say their dream is to be a good father and husband, and they're just waiting on God's providence. And it's not because of "sewing our wild oats". I have no proverbial oats to be sewn. I don't feel that I have to live a little before settling down. I don't have anything to prove to myself or others before I have a family. I can have fun without being stupid and compromising my values. And, most of all, it's not because poor pitiful me can't find a man who will have mercy on me and take me in. It's simply because times have changed.
The Bible still applies today, don't get me wrong. We don't throw out the Bible because our world is different. But I don't recall reading anywhere in the Bible that "Thou shalt marry by the ageth of 16 or forever be subject to a life of displeasing God"...It's not in there...not even in the King James version. Yes, people in the Bible were married at a young age. But many people in the Bible were shepherds, too. Many people were watchmen. Many people would allow strangers who were passing through town to come and stay at their houses overnight. Have you met a lot of shepherds or watchmen in your lifetime? I haven't. And I wouldn't dream of allowing a stranger into my home to spend the night. We have hotels for that. The world has changed. And so we can't live our lives exactly as the people lived in the Bible.
I am 23 years old. I do not have a husband or children, but I do have a steadily growing relationship with God. A relationship in which I can go to Him with my concerns (a husband is one of those concerns, but not the only one). A relationship in which I can use the spiritual gifts He has given me to serve Him out of love and commitment. It is also a relationship in which He blesses me and knows what is best, sometimes keeping me from the things I ask Him for because I am not ready for them yet. We know each other intimately. We know what the other one desires and likes, and we do certain things and take certain attitudes in order to please one another...out of love. Sounds like God has taught me a lot about marriage already, huh?
And to further continue my rant, I DO NOT have an 'unwanted status', thank you very much. There are plenty of men out there I could 'settle' for. There are plenty of men out there who are not compatible with me because of personality differences and such. There are plenty of men out there who would take me in a second, but I know they would not provide me or my family with the spiritual leadership I have been waiting for. And, I'm sorry folks, but if I can't get that, then marriage isn't worth it to me. And don't tell me that my way of life is unbiblical. I think it's unbiblical to whimsically rush into marriage without consciously pouring over it, bathing it in prayer and wise direction from mentors and God Himself. I think it's unbiblical to get married just so you can say you're married. Last time I checked, there was a passage by the prophet Isaiah that said, "Those that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength."You see, God and i have this arrangement. I don't worry about a thing, and I just believe that He will tell me when it's time to get married and start a family. I'm not going to allow a desire for a husband to consume my life. God CAN and DOES use me now, in my singleness, and he CAN and WILL use me when I'm married. So, maybe I am single by choice, but it's not by my own choice...It's God's choice. And I think He probably knows what's best for me. Can you tell I'm more than a little incensed over this article? Sorry if I sound a little angry, but I am.
My worth is not determined by my marital status. Would I like to someday be married? Of course! Do I spend some evenings alone wondering why others my age got married, and I'm still single? You bet! Do I fear that I may always be alone, and that there is no man for me? Yes. But, the beautiful thing is, that when I find myself surrounded by all of these concerns (and even some whispers from the enemy), God is consistently reminding me that I should trust Him. I refuse to take control of this situation by going out and finding me a man. He has never failed me before, and He loves me more than I could ever fathom. He will provide what I need when I need it...bottom line.
Currently listening : A Liturgy, A Legacy & A Ragamuffin Band By Rich Mullins Release date: 26 October, 1993
Current mood: aggravated
OK, on another website I frequent, I have been involved in a discussion about this article. Here's the link: http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001199.cfm
read it, then come back and let me know what you think!
My grandmother has a really bad habit. Well, she probably wouldn't consider it a bad habit, but me (along with all of her other grandchildren) are severely annoyed. We all know she is going to do it. If you're over the age of 16, and you're in her presence, you can count on it. She greets you, gives you a hug, tells you one of two things (you look nice, or "don't you ever wear makeup?"), spends some time in casual conversation, compliments you a little. And just when you think you've escaped it, these words flow forth from her mouth like molten lava from a volcano, "So, Nicole (or whichever grandchild she happens to be talking to), you got a boyfriend...yet?"
Now, my cousins and I have been able to come up with some pretty creative responses to this question. One said, "No, Mama, I've decided I'm not going to get married." I told her once, "No. No boys like me. No boys will ever like me. I've just resigned myself to that fact." But the one classic response that left her speechless came from my sister (it was indeed a proud moment in the family), "No, Grandma, I'm a lesbian"...I'm trying to come up with a response to top that for next time. Bless my Grandma's heart. She is a very young grandmother. Young in years, and young at heart. She is a beautiful woman, a fashionable dresser, and a loving and godly person, but she just doesn't get it. Things were different in her day. She was married at the ripe old age of 15. She had more than one child at the age of 20. That life was all she knew. So she thinks me and my cousins are all old maids, and we better find us a man before it's slim pickin's.
She doesn't realize that the world is different now. Just like the author of this article doesn't realize that times have changed since the Bible. I don't go out and sit by the well to wait for a man to ask me to water his camels. I don't wear a veil to church. I don't go out and work in the family fields all day. I don't keep silent so as not to disturb the men.
Over time, God has allowed women a little more freedom. Some may call this a curse, I count it a blessing. Call it whatever you want, we are not the same. And with this added freedom comes added responsibility. We are now able to participate in worship services. We can go out and have a good time with our friends. We can have jobs and receive good education. We can be scholars of the Bible and drive cars and live our lives and date (that's right, I said 'the d word').
In the world we live in right now, we would never dream of sending a 14 year old girl into marriage. That's what they did in the Bible, though. But what Ms. Maken doesn't realize is that girls were sent into marriage at such a young age because they lifted a huge financial burden from their families. One less mouth to feed, one less kid to watch. And a 14 year old girl would have already learned all the ins and outs about keeping house, caring for children, tending the animals, providing for a husband. Times have changed. It is perfectly fine for a woman to wait until she is in her 20's to get married.
And it's not because of superficial men. I know many young men who are living godly lives and trusting God for their futures. I know a lot of men who would say their dream is to be a good father and husband, and they're just waiting on God's providence. And it's not because of "sewing our wild oats". I have no proverbial oats to be sewn. I don't feel that I have to live a little before settling down. I don't have anything to prove to myself or others before I have a family. I can have fun without being stupid and compromising my values. And, most of all, it's not because poor pitiful me can't find a man who will have mercy on me and take me in. It's simply because times have changed.
The Bible still applies today, don't get me wrong. We don't throw out the Bible because our world is different. But I don't recall reading anywhere in the Bible that "Thou shalt marry by the ageth of 16 or forever be subject to a life of displeasing God"...It's not in there...not even in the King James version. Yes, people in the Bible were married at a young age. But many people in the Bible were shepherds, too. Many people were watchmen. Many people would allow strangers who were passing through town to come and stay at their houses overnight. Have you met a lot of shepherds or watchmen in your lifetime? I haven't. And I wouldn't dream of allowing a stranger into my home to spend the night. We have hotels for that. The world has changed. And so we can't live our lives exactly as the people lived in the Bible.
I am 23 years old. I do not have a husband or children, but I do have a steadily growing relationship with God. A relationship in which I can go to Him with my concerns (a husband is one of those concerns, but not the only one). A relationship in which I can use the spiritual gifts He has given me to serve Him out of love and commitment. It is also a relationship in which He blesses me and knows what is best, sometimes keeping me from the things I ask Him for because I am not ready for them yet. We know each other intimately. We know what the other one desires and likes, and we do certain things and take certain attitudes in order to please one another...out of love. Sounds like God has taught me a lot about marriage already, huh?
Instead of recognizing that many single women are victims because of the deficits in the present construct, we dismiss their unwanted status as simply "God's will." Today's singleness is not celibacy-induced kingdom work unaccommodating to family life. No, it's the result of choices and mistakes by both the individual and society. Today's singleness is either a lifestyle option or purely circumstantial; therefore, it is largely unbiblical.
And to further continue my rant, I DO NOT have an 'unwanted status', thank you very much. There are plenty of men out there I could 'settle' for. There are plenty of men out there who are not compatible with me because of personality differences and such. There are plenty of men out there who would take me in a second, but I know they would not provide me or my family with the spiritual leadership I have been waiting for. And, I'm sorry folks, but if I can't get that, then marriage isn't worth it to me. And don't tell me that my way of life is unbiblical. I think it's unbiblical to whimsically rush into marriage without consciously pouring over it, bathing it in prayer and wise direction from mentors and God Himself. I think it's unbiblical to get married just so you can say you're married. Last time I checked, there was a passage by the prophet Isaiah that said, "Those that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength."You see, God and i have this arrangement. I don't worry about a thing, and I just believe that He will tell me when it's time to get married and start a family. I'm not going to allow a desire for a husband to consume my life. God CAN and DOES use me now, in my singleness, and he CAN and WILL use me when I'm married. So, maybe I am single by choice, but it's not by my own choice...It's God's choice. And I think He probably knows what's best for me. Can you tell I'm more than a little incensed over this article? Sorry if I sound a little angry, but I am.
My worth is not determined by my marital status. Would I like to someday be married? Of course! Do I spend some evenings alone wondering why others my age got married, and I'm still single? You bet! Do I fear that I may always be alone, and that there is no man for me? Yes. But, the beautiful thing is, that when I find myself surrounded by all of these concerns (and even some whispers from the enemy), God is consistently reminding me that I should trust Him. I refuse to take control of this situation by going out and finding me a man. He has never failed me before, and He loves me more than I could ever fathom. He will provide what I need when I need it...bottom line.
Currently listening : A Liturgy, A Legacy & A Ragamuffin Band By Rich Mullins Release date: 26 October, 1993
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