Current mood: contemplative
I have been living in discontentment lately. I look at my friends who are married with children or in serious relationships and I wonder, "When is my turn?" And I see more friends who are established in their careers and I think, "Why can't I have that?" And then I see people around me involved in successful ministries and I say, "Where's mine?" My life has become focused on the things I see as missing. And so I have been trying to figure out exactly who I am. I feel like I am missing my own identity. How would I introduce myself to someone? "Hello. My name is Nicole and I.....don't have a husband, work as a secretary for my dad, and I'm not really doing much in the way of living out my faith. I am unsure of where I actually belong....or even feel at home in the world, and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. It's nice to meet you."
I have pondered. I have analyzed. I have sought answers.
And then I realized my problem. I was spending so much time self-reflecting, self-searching, self-helping...when I should have asked the one who knows the answers.
Will God always provide me with answers when I ask? Not necessarily. I have learned that sometimes God chooses to answer with more questions. His thought are higher than mine.
And when I ask "Where is mine?" He says, "Am I not enough?"And when I ask "When is my turn?" He responds, "Do you trust my timing?"And when I ask "Why can't I have that?" He replies, "Do you remember 2 Corinthians 12:9?"
When I am searching for who I am, He tells me, "You know I AM."And when I am contemplating where I belong, He says, "You are in Your Father's arms. Where else would you want to be?"
I can ask where I should go to church, and His response is, "What's more important, going to a certain church or being the church?
I've been listening to a CD I bought the other day (see below), and in the opening song of the album Todd Agnew sings,
I have better questions than I have answers
As a person who always has to have the answers...or even make answers up if I don't know...that is a peaceful realization to come to. And as true as that statement is, I have found that God has even better questions than I do.
Currently listening : Better Questions By Todd Agnew Release date: 17 July, 2007
