Spiritual Implications from Bob Ross

February 19, 2008 - Tuesday
Current mood: artistic

I can't wait for spring. Winter has turned me into a TV junkie and...well....a lazy bum. When the weather finally climbs to 50 degrees or so, I will be ready to go outside and run with my arms in the air, screaming as loud as I can for the freedom brought by warmer weather. Of course, I don't run....and I don't remember ever screaming like that. But you know, this is figurative.

During my winter imprisonment, I often find myself flipping the channels, and for some unknown reason, I always stop on the Public Broadcasting Channel called simply "Create". This channel has many different shows ranging in topic from scrapbooking to quilting to making an entire Winter Wonderland themed party kit out of recycled chewing gum, toothpicks, and glitter. My normal routine is to stop on this station, watch for about 2 minutes or so, and then carry on with my channel flipping. One show, however, always captivates my attention for longer...The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross.

Bob Ross is my friend Kim's future late uncle-in-law. We all know Bob's mellow narration and penchant for happy trees. His calm demeanor and soothing voice have occasionally lulled me to sleep. However, when I have managed to stay awake, I have always encountered a slight problem.

I don't trust Bob.

I have seen his work before. I know that all of his paintings turn out great. I have never seen one I didn't like. Granted, they are not particularly the style I with which I would choose to decorate my home, but I can appreciate a work of art when I see one. Give him 25 minutes and Bob can transform a plain canvas into a majestic mountainscape, or a snowy winter scene. He has never failed in his work, and I have always stood amazed at the end of his show.

But every time I watch, I get worried. I think, "Oh, Bob, why did you put that big ugly streak of van dyke brown right down the middle of your painting?" or "Yeah, he's painting all that gray around the edges; it's going to look ugly now." or "How could he ruin all that beautiful water by adding those highlights?"

Now, I know nothing of painting. I've made a few modest attempts, but they have all turned out looking like, well...looking like I painted them.

Somehow, I still feel like I can criticize and scrutinize Bob Ross's paintings, while he is in the process of creating them. I think I can somehow know that Bob is going to ruin his beautiful work by adding this tree here or that highlight there.

But in the end, Bob's paintings always turn out looking spectacular and perfect, and I turn the channel with a renewed faith in Bob and his ability to see beyond my scope of knowledge.

Doesn't this sort of parallel our own lives?

Think of it this way, our lives are the canvas; God is Bob Ross; and we are...us.

How often do we watch our lives unfolding before us and wonder what in the world God is thinking? "God, how could you put that obstacle there, right in the middle of everything?" "Why would you choose to insert this thing into my life, when it was already looking so nice and perfect?" "Why did you smudge this section, I liked it the way it was?"

God has never failed us before. We have seen him create miracles and beauty and fix problems in the world and in the lives of others around us. Yet, in some strange way, we still think we know what's best...and we still think he needs our advice.

In the end, just like Bob Ross's paintings always turned out perfectly, we have to trust that God knows what he's doing with our lives. God is God, and we don't have the capacity to know where he's going next or what he's thinking. It may look like things in our life are getting ugly, or cluttered, or smudged. But we have to trust the Painter, for he has not created an ugly painting yet.

Security

February 10, 2008 - Sunday
Current mood: breezy

There are certain things in life you can always count on.

Regardless of whether Puxatony Phil sees his shadow, February 3rd is still really cold.

Orange Juice, when consumed directly after brushing one's teeth, will always be the most disgusting taste one can experience at 7:00 in the morning.

When faced with the likes of Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam, or that big mean dog, Bugs Bunny will always prevail.

Wal-Mart will always have approximately 4 lanes open, out of 57, despite the number of people who complain.

These things in life are constant. They stay the same. And some of them may be uncomfortable or unpleasant, but they still, in whatever strange way, make us feel a little more secure. Like the world is the way it should be.

But there are other things in life that aren't so dependable.

I've been dealing a lot lately with insecurity. Maybe not so much insecurity about myself and my appearance (well....perhaps a little, but that's not the crux of the issue), but more of an insecurity about the future.

I wonder if I'm destined for a life of perpetual loneliness, or whether people think I have everything handed to me because I am employed by my parents.

On a daily basis, it seems a throng of questions race through my mind. Will I ever get married? Should I move back to Tennessee? Am I happy in Illinois? What do I want to do for a career? Should I go back to school? What areas am I lacking in? What aspects of my life need more discipline? How am I ever going to conquer this situation?

And I contemplate. And I worry. And I process. But these thoughts never seem to leave me. I am plauged with them.

Every
Single
Day

As I think about this struggle for security in my life, a few Scriptures come to mind. I know that realistically, if I put the citations down here, most people won't go and look them up...I wish you would, but I know you probably won't. Prove me wrong.
Isaiah 55:8-9
Proverbs 3:5-6
Matthew 6:25-34
Ecclesiastes 3:1-15

The last selection of Scripture is one that is very dear to my heart. Most people know the beginning of this verse. It's the portion of the Bible that was made into that 70's song. For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven...etc. What most people don't understand, though, is that when you read the book of Ecclesiastes, the remainder of the book is quite cynical.

Solomon (the author of the Ecclesiastes), was the wisest and wealthiest man in the world at this time. In this book, he is playing the part of an Aristotle, or a Socrates. He is a philosopher who is deeply troubled by what he sees in the world around him. In this book, we see one phrase repeated several times: "under the sun". When Solomon says "under the sun", he is referring to worldly things. The earth is under the sun. Solomon is speaking of the secular, the earthly, that which is apart from God. Solomon finds great despair in the fact that everyone toils under the sun, day in and day out....and all for nothing. This world is going to disappear and fade away.

Everything that is 'under the sun' will one day be no more.

Solomon, and his book of Ecclesiastes are actually rather bleak. But, in the middle of the book we can find Solomon's answer. His glimmer of hope. His light at the end the tunnel.

Ecclesiastes 3:11-15 (ESV) He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil -- this is God's gift to man. I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that poeple fear before him. That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away.

I love this Scripture. In fact, I love it so much that I got a portion of it tattooed on my body.

This, to me, is the essence of life.

Here, Solomon is saying that in all of our toil, in all of our worries and insecurities, God has made everything beautiful in its time. God has set eternity on our hearts, so that we always know there's something more. But he has not played it out for us completely, simply because, we're not supposed to know the future. God has always been God, and He always will be. We need to sit back, live our lives, and enjoy ourselves. We can't allow ourselves to get caught up in insecurity and questions all the time. God is God, and he has made everything (EVERYTHING, me, my job, my spouse, my future, my house) beautiful in its time.

I caught part of an episode of Seinfeld the other day. The main storyline in the episode is that Jerry discovers that nothing truly bad ever happens to him. Whenever something troublesome comes along, Jerry realizes that "it all works out in the end." I think this is essentially what Solomon is getting at. Why let all that worry weigh you down? It all works out in the end.

Lighten up and enjoy your life.

I hope reading this blog has helped some of my readers who, like me, get caught up in the details of life. I know writing it and reviewing the Word of God has been a much-needed self-therapy session for me.

I just have to remind myself that I love God, God loved me first. God will provide. And the rest is just details.

So what if I don't know what I want to be when I grow up? I already am grown up! Why does my career have to define who I am? And who cares if I can't make a decision about Tennessee or Illinois? I should just be happy and live the fullest life wherever I am.

I wonder if there will ever come a day "under the sun" when my life will be so full, my heart so content, that I won't have any room for worry. Probably not, but I can look forward to the future, when I am in the presence of the One who made everything beautiful in its time, and I can thank Him for providing for me.

May we find security in knowing that we don't have all the answers in life. And may we put our futures in the hands of a God who has made and will make everything beautiful in its time.


Currently listening : Pages By Shane & Shane Release date: 28 August, 2007

Questions

October 13, 2007 - Saturday
Current mood: contemplative

I have been living in discontentment lately. I look at my friends who are married with children or in serious relationships and I wonder, "When is my turn?" And I see more friends who are established in their careers and I think, "Why can't I have that?" And then I see people around me involved in successful ministries and I say, "Where's mine?" My life has become focused on the things I see as missing. And so I have been trying to figure out exactly who I am. I feel like I am missing my own identity. How would I introduce myself to someone? "Hello. My name is Nicole and I.....don't have a husband, work as a secretary for my dad, and I'm not really doing much in the way of living out my faith. I am unsure of where I actually belong....or even feel at home in the world, and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. It's nice to meet you."

I have pondered. I have analyzed. I have sought answers.

And then I realized my problem. I was spending so much time self-reflecting, self-searching, self-helping...when I should have asked the one who knows the answers.

Will God always provide me with answers when I ask? Not necessarily. I have learned that sometimes God chooses to answer with more questions. His thought are higher than mine.

And when I ask "Where is mine?" He says, "Am I not enough?"And when I ask "When is my turn?" He responds, "Do you trust my timing?"And when I ask "Why can't I have that?" He replies, "Do you remember 2 Corinthians 12:9?"

When I am searching for who I am, He tells me, "You know I AM."And when I am contemplating where I belong, He says, "You are in Your Father's arms. Where else would you want to be?"
I can ask where I should go to church, and His response is, "What's more important, going to a certain church or being the church?

I've been listening to a CD I bought the other day (see below), and in the opening song of the album Todd Agnew sings,

I have better questions than I have answers

As a person who always has to have the answers...or even make answers up if I don't know...that is a peaceful realization to come to. And as true as that statement is, I have found that God has even better questions than I do.

Currently listening : Better Questions By Todd Agnew Release date: 17 July, 2007

Doggy Digestion and Hearing God's Voice

April 4, 2007 - Wednesday
Current mood: amused

I've been reading through Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz (for the second time) over the past couple months. It is a phenomenal and eye-opening portrait of our lives as Christians....a little hazy in some spots.....some patchy theology over there....a few scattered revelations in various locations, but littered with the clear, abundant love of God for His people throughout. And while I find myself enamored by this masterpiece, there are some points on which Donald and I do not see eye to eye.

One such occurrence is in his chapter entitled "Worship". I believe it's chapter seventeen, and I am very sorry that I do not currently have the book with me while I am writing. In this chapter, Don (I can call him Don since I'm reading the book for the second time....that makes us friends) is discussing God's mystery, which I contend he must be confusing with God's majesty. In one paragraph in particular, Don alludes to the fact that God is so much bigger than we are, so much more, so much higher...and there is no way we could ever figure him out with our limited, earthly, fallen and sinful minds. He contends that God is a mystery. He cannot be known to us. And that we should find comfort in the fact that we worship a God who is so beyond us that we cannot possibly comprehend Him. That if we worshiped a God who we knew, that would put us on the same level as this god, and would render him un-sovereign. I understand the point Don is making here. He is illustrating that there would be little benefit or significance to worship a God we had completely figured out. We may as well worship Pauly Shore. Our God is beyond the grasp of our ideas. He is indecipherable. He is unpredictable. He is…a mystery.

And I agree that God is indeed much bigger than our minds can fathom. He is beyond us. To use Bible college terminology…he is sovereign and Transcendent.

Dictionary.com defines the word Mystery as "anything that is kept secret or remains unexplained or unknown."

Now, hold on to that while I pause to share with you a brief narrative. I read a book once by a comedian/writer named Mark Steele. It's called Flashbang: How I Got Over Myself. It is the most hysterical book I have ever read. I would read a chapter, laugh out loud, read it again, laugh harder, read it again, etc. It took me a very long time to finish the book in its entirety. Anyway, in the middle of his chapters, Mark would insert what he called "A Brief Pause for Important Autobiographical Information." In this break in the chapter, Mark would share a story about his life that would later tie into the topic he was writing about.

That's what this is.

In church on Sunday my Preacher was talking about serving others. He used the illustration of a family that was out to dinner. One of the sons was about five years old and he was asked to bless the meal before the family ate. The little boy thanked God for his family, thanked Him for the food they were about to eat, and then prayed that they would all get ice cream at the end of their meal.

A woman sitting in a nearby booth overheard the little boy's prayer and said, loudly enough for the family to overhear her, "Oh. Can you believe that? Asking God for ice cream – this is what is wrong with children these days!" Tears instantly welled in the little boy's eyes as he asked his mother what he had done wrong. He was afraid he might have made God mad.

An older gentleman with a kind face walked over to the table after witnessing what had just occurred. He leaned over and whispered to the boy, "I happen to know that God loved your prayer. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes. Ice cream would probably do some good for her."

The family finished their meals and of course, the parents ordered ice cream for their children. When the little boy received his, he didn't say a word. He stood, picked up his ice cream and walked over to the woman. "A little ice cream is good for the soul," he said, "My soul is already full enough. Here, you can have my ice cream."

Our preacher explained that God wants us to serve others. He will reveal those opportunities to us if we just ask. So we took a few minutes to pray for God to show us some opportunities to serve others that day.

After church I went out to lunch, ran a couple of errands and then went home. When I returned home I walked in and set my things down. I noticed that something in the house smelled very strange, but I couldn't quite peg what the odor was or where it was coming from.

**Please be warned that this is the point in the story where things get a little gruesome. The following few paragraphs are not for pansies.**

I walked into the kitchen and noticed, there on my roommate's living room carpet, the hugest, most disgusting pile of dog poo I had ever seen.

Now you have to know, my roommate Katie has this sweet elderly dog named Speck. To my knowledge, Speck has never gone #2 in the house. He has rarely done #1 and then only in mocking defiance toward Katie when she was doing something he didn't like…such as leaving. And you also must understand the layout of our house. Katie's (carpeted) living room is right next to our hardwood floor kitchen. Speck missed the hardwood by approximately 1 ½ inches and decided to relieve himself on the carpet instead. I suppose it was cushier on his paws or something.

Upon seeing the pile of poo, I thought to myself, "OH. Wow it sucks to be Katie. I wonder when she'll get home from church so she can clean that up."

No sooner had I turned to walk out of the room, when I heard a little voice, "Nicole. Remember what you heard in church this morning?"
"umm. No."
"Really? Do you remember what you prayed about?"
"sorry. I got nothing."
"Jamie talked about serving others and you prayed for God to give you the opportunity to serve someone today."
"What's that? I can't hear you. You're mumbling a little bit."

And with that I chose to ignore the prompting I was receiving and go to check my email. As I was sitting on my couch, realizing that I had no email, the Holy Spirit's sudden silence was loud enough for me to realize what I needed to do. God will never force us to do something we don't want to do. But He will most assuredly let us know what He wants us to do.

I walked into the kitchen…looked at the pile of poo….looked at Speck who was lying nonchalantly on the floor, pretending he didn't know how it had gotten there….looked back at the pile of poo….looked at the ceiling, and decided to go upstairs to look for some carpet cleaner. I didn't find any. I walked back to the kitchen and again looked at Speck's masterpiece, then I said to God, "Are you sure? There's not something else I could do to serve someone today?"

"Go look in the basement for the carpet cleaner" was the only response I got. As I re-entered the kitchen, carpet cleaner in hand, I again looked at the poo.

Now, you need to understand exactly why this was so difficult for me. And in order for you to really grasp this image in your mind, I'm going to have to get a little graphic. So strap yourself in. Here we go.

This was not just your run-of-the-mill, piece of dog poo you see on the sidewalk sometimes. This was a pile of runny, gooey, sloppy dense doggie diarrhea with subsequent diarrhea droplets making a trail almost to the kitchen but falling just short. It smelled of hot dogs…or maybe that was someone grilling outside. I'm not sure and I didn't really try to find out the answer to that question, for fear of making myself vomit or forever turning myself off to hotdogs…I like hot dogs. I would swear there was steam coming off of the pile if I didn't know that kind of thing only happened in the cartoons.

Again, I glanced at the ceiling, smirked and said, "That's funny, God." Then I hunkered down and began cleaning…Speck watching me the whole time…trying to give the appearance of innocence, as if I didn't know he was the culprit.

***Now, back to what I was saying earlier. Donald Miller contends that God is a mystery. He cannot be fully known by humans who have such finite minds. And while I agree that God is so much beyond our normal comprehension (insert those big Bible college words here again)…I disagree that God is a mystery.

A mystery is something that is unknown or unexplained. Something that can't be figured out.

I would say that God is mysterious, but he is not a mystery.

By this I mean that there are some mysterious aspects to God. We cannot always predict what He will do next, or how he will lead us in a certain situation.

But God, in His Sovereignty, allows us to know Him. He is bigger than our minds. He is transcendent over all of creation. But he is also imminent (deeply and passionately involved in the world, in our lives, in our hearts). There's another Bible college term for you. God is so powerful, so all-knowing, so beyond us…that He allows our finite, fallen minds to know Him personally. To walk with Him daily. To talk to Him whenever we want to. We often use the phrase, "I don't know. It's a mystery to me," when we're describing something that we can't explain. But I don't think this applies to God at all. I think God intervenes in our lives and moves so that He grabs our attention and we take hold of Him and allow Him to reveal Himself to us.

No, we cannot completely figure God out. We don't know how He will move, or where He will lead us. But we do know Him, as a person and as our Savior. He is not a mystery. He is someone I know intimately.God works in mysterious ways. I don't know why he wanted me to clean up dog crap rather than help an old woman to the car with her groceries that day. But it was no mystery to me that cleaning up the poo was exactly how He wanted me to serve in that moment.

May you find yourself surrounded with opportunities to serve others today…and may you constantly be perplexed by the mysterious things God does in your life every day. But may you always know that He loves you intimately and deeply, and that He will not keep Himself a mystery to those who seek after Him.

Currently listening : Queen - Greatest Hits, Vols. 1 &2 By Queen Release date: 14 November, 1995

Archives: The Blessed Curse

November 14, 2006 - Tuesday
Current mood: rejuvenated

Singleness.

Have you ever browsed the "singles" section of your local bookstore? Have you?

Why is it that all books on the topic speak of singleness as if it were some kind of plague or trial to overcome?

What To Do Until Love Finds You
Every Single Woman's Battle
Sex and the Single Guy
8 Great Ways to Find Your Mate
If Men Are Like Buses How Do I Catch One
How to Find A Man Worth Keeping
Lord Help Me...I'm Single
Every SINGLE Day
I Kissed Dating Goodbye
I Gave Dating a Chance
Lady in Waiting

There is even a book called Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness. It's by Debbie Maken. Don't read it unless you enjoy becoming angry and throwing books at walls. I read an article by this lady based on the book. Ms. Maken seems to think that once you reach a certain age, it is your biblical responsibility to be married. Apparently she hasn't heard of Paul or...well, Jesus or anyone else in history who did amazing things without a spouse.

I wrote a blog about this article a while back.

Why are all of our Christian resources on singleness focused on fixing us? I don't get it. Authors are writing all their books about what we DON'T have, rather than encouraging us in the opportunities we do have.
You don't see these titles in the bookstores:

You're Single: Enjoy It While It Lasts
It's Not a Race to the Altar
8 Great Ways Not to Date

Paul wrote:1 Corinthians 7:8-9

Now to the UNMARRIED and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

So there, married people! It looks like us singles are the stronger ones...Okay, so I'm kidding a little. But we need a shift in perspective.

Why does "single" automatically equal "not married"? Why can't "single" mean "one person", living life independently and growing in the Lord....not necessarily "waiting" on anything because my life is happening right now. Maybe "trusting" would be a better term.

I'm not crying out in desperation for a husband. I'd love to be married one day...but it's not right now. And that's fine. I'm a happy, single girl who is just trying to live her life for Jesus...see? We do exist.

Currently listening : Mutemath By Mute Math Release date: 26 September, 2006

Archives: Confessions and Revelations

October 16, 2006 - Monday
Current mood: curious

Confession breeds Revelation.Or is it the other way around?

Confession: Although I am morally opposed to whiny punk bands (see my profile page), I like...nay...love the new Hawk Nelson single. It's called The Show, and it's a really good song. I first confessed this when I caught myself reaching for the volume button as this song came on and, instead of turning it down to a sub-audible level, I cranked it up and sang along. I was horrified.
Revelation: Perhaps punk music does have something to offer those of us who have reached our post-pubescent years.
Confession: I have pre-judged punk and punk-kind.

Confession: Despite my jesting toward certain friends and family members who watched the show last season, I have begun watching Deal or No Deal...regularly.
Revelation: While I still refer to the Deal or No Deal Girls as "The Hussies", the show has actually proved a fun and entertaining way to fill an hour.
Confession: I must now admit that Howie Mandel is not the creepy, old bald man I once presumed him to be. I will NOT, however, adhere to the idea of someone close to me that Howie is sexy (KIM).

Confession: Nashville hasn't been the amazing land of opportunity I thought it would be. I can't seem to meet the people I need to meet in order to get the job I want to get.
Revelation: There isn't a Road to Perfect in this life. Whether I am in Decatur or Nashville or Canada, life will always ben far from perfect. I will not be satisfied until I am finally where I was created to be...in the eternal presence of the Father.
Confession: I need to stop searching for fulfillment and happiness and continue pursuing God. He has promised that if I do seek Him, everything else will fall into place.

Confession: I have just committed the ultimate follicle sin: I chopped my own hair.
Revelation: I won't know until tomorrow morning for sure, but I think I did alright. I first received this revelation when I got a haircut from a spiky mullet-wearing man at Wal-Mart (see my blog about Rod Stewart), but needed a friendly reminder.
Confession: I am not the kind of woman who requires a $75 haircut every 4-6 weeks...even though I am going for punk-glam, right Keeks?

Confession: I have been holding a grudge with an authority figure ever since I got to Nashville. I labeled this person as distracted, arrogant, lazy and inconsiderate.
Revelation: I just found out last week that this person is battling cancer, and is dealing with all of the emotional issues brought on by a sudden and unexpected illness.
Confession: Maybe I need to take a better look at myself before I begin pointing the finger at someone else.

Confession: I miss my friends and family more than I ever thought possible.
Revelation: Did I bring myself to Nashville only to discover that matters of career and ambition bare little significance in the absence of loved ones? Maybe absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Maybe my job is unimportant as long as I can be surrounded by loved ones.
Confession: The relationships I thought had grown stale and old are the ones I have clung to the most when everything else around me is foreign.

Confession: I love McDonald's Monopoly!
Revelation: I know the food is horrible for me, and I know that my chances of winning anything other than more food are slim, but I have some kind of strange addiction.
Confession: I think it's just an issue of collecting those little game pieces and attaching them to that little board. But then in January, you look at your board and count......73 times I have eaten McDonald's since October??!!!?!?! That's disgusting!

Currently listening : Stereo: The Evolution of Hiprocksoul By 4th Avenue Jones Release date: 29 March, 2005

Archives: True Beauty Comes From Without

August 2, 2006 - Wednesday
Current mood: enthralled

I just finished re-reading The Martyr's Song by Ted Dekker. It always serves as an important reminder of where my eyes are and where they need to be.

I have always struggled with issues of self image. Sometimes I get cocky...I start to compare myself to other women, "my eyes are prettier than hers." "she has a really bad complexion." "that girl has a better body, but I have a better face."

Other times I drill myself into the ground. "wow, i'm the fattest girl in this room" "don't even bother looking for any clothes in this store, they won't fit you" "i really look ugly today"

More recently, I have found myself with very poor self-esteem. My weight gain since college has left me feeling like I have been swallowed by a large, fleshly blob, and that nobody could ever possibly consider me attractive. I have gone back and forth with my self image for years now. Sometimes I am too in love with myself, and other times I despise myself. I have dieted before, but have never become overtly obsessed with it. But obsession has set in over the past couple of months. Being in Florida in the height of bikini season hasn't helped much, either. Questions keep pounding in my head. -how could i have gained so much? -why do i keep eating? -why is it so hard for me to stay disciplined? -would it hurt that much to skip one or two meals? Those girls in bikinis over there must think I am a disgusting pig. I wonder what the waiter will think if I order that. And every time I look in the mirror, I see Ugly staring back at me screaming, "How could you let yourself get like this? No man will ever find you attractive when you look like this! What's the point of even putting on make up or fixing your hair? It won't help that much"

So I avoid mirrors as much as possible. And I try to tell myself it doesn't matter. Society keeps telling me that outward beauty isn't important...only what's inside matters. But if that's the case, why are there so many highway billboards plastered with perfect looking blondes with their hair blowing in the wind just so? And why are there no heavy people on television...and if there are, they are always the butt of everyone's jokes (no pun intended)? And why does the chubby girl never get the guy at the end of the story? They're sending me a mixed message. I chalk it up to them wanting to get more ratings, so they put the prettier ones in the lead roles. And I begin my serach for inner beauty.

As I start to reflect on my own "inner", I am surprised by all of the dirt I must uncover before I find the true beauty. I am a person who is filled with anger, jealousy, comparison, judgment, condemnation, hatred, competitiveness. And I realize I'm ugly on the inside, too. My whole life I have been told to look inside myself to find true beauty, but beauty doesn't live there, either.

So I have decided (thanks to the help of Mr. Dekker's book) that to find my true beauty, I will have to look beyond myself. Nothing about me, in and of myself, is beautiful. I am a dirty, broken, groveling being in need of redemption. So I must look to the Creator of beauty itself, who, incidentally is also the Creator of me. If I can somehow manage to see myself in light of heaven, my true home, the way my Maker sees me, then and only then will I be able to embrace my own beauty.

--by the way, when I refer to heaven, I don't mean a place I'll be after I die...I mean living in God's presence. In the constant and eternal presence of His love and His glory. If I was created to be beautiful in that place, surely I can be beautiful in a place filled with sin and condemnation.
But how do I do that? How can I possibly see myself as God sees me?

I believe the answer lies in the way I see others. If I stop looking at others as pretty, ugly, skinny, fat, mean, nice, stupid, smart...and start seeing them as fellow Creations by God...If I stop labeling and start loving, then I wil begin seeing people through God's eyes of love. If I stop focusing on bikini girls and longing to be as thin as them, and start setting my eyes on their hearts. And as I begin to pour out my own love for others, maybe I will start to look a little different, too.

The source of any beauty I possess is God. And I'm not going to find it through extreme dieting and obsessive calorie counting, nor will I find it by gorging myself on apathy and fast food. I will see it if I become a reflection of God's beauty and love shining through me.

I would like to urge everyone to read this book. It is such a quick read, but so impactful.

So now when I look in the mirror, I still struggle a little. But I am slowly retraining my mind to wrap itself around the idea that my true beauty is held in the eyes of my Creator, who made that powerful and majestic ocean I can hear right now, and the firey and captivating sunset I watched earlier. And I'm not just beautiful on the inside, I'm breath taking to Him...physically. He loves to gaze upon my beauty. And I love to gaze upon His.

The next time you start to wonder about this societal dichotomy of inner and outward beauty...how we are fed such inconsistencies and watered-down messages by everything from tv, to advertisements, to people walking down the street...remind yourself that beauty is something that is beyond this world. God isn't limited to perfect hair and perfect curves. God isn't limited to an hour long drama. God isn't limited to porcelain skin and designer clothing. God is the Creator of beauty. Look to Him to find yours. Don't settle for anything less.

Archives: Diaper Babies and Final Destinations

March 7, 2006 - Tuesday
Current mood: relieved

I have been struggling a lot lately with "God's will"...That is a term we throw around a lot as Christians, but I don't necessarily buy into the idea that God has one specific, fool-proof plan for your life and you have to figure out exactly what that is or you can't be "in His perfect will." That's too hard, and we're not robots. What about the freedom found in Christ? So, I was straightening shelves at the bookstore the other day...a feat which I hate to tackle, and often avoid until the last possible minute.

Understanding God's will: How to Hack the Equation Without Forumlas, was written by Kyle Lake. You may have heard about Kyle's tragic death. He was in a freak accident at a church service last fall, in which he was electrocuted and died. He left behind a wife and three small children, and a very large church in Texas, full of baffled believers.

That's not really too relevant to the book, though, although it does give kind of a different perspective on some of the things he says in there.

I'm not quite finished with the book yet, but I have learned two very important things...I'll try to explain them the best I can, using the examples I remember from Kyle.

Lesson 1: It's more about the journey than the destination.The first truth Kyle brought out in this book was that Christians get so caught up in "finding God's will for their lives". Well, do you think God's will is for you to have that one specific career? And then what? Then you've already accomplished His will, so you're sitting pretty for the rest of your life? We get way too focused on certain destinations or points in our lives. I've said all of this before. I am always looking forward to the next big step, as to when my life will really start. "Oh, when I move to Nashville, that's when my life will finally make sense." Or, "Once I get married and start a family, then I can really start living." Well, reaching a certain destination is never going to bring fulfillment or any sense of contentment. Know why? We weren't created for any specific destination on this earth. We we will not be perfectly fulfilled until we have reached our ultimate destination, which is being in the eternal presence of God. Life here on earth is more about the journey. We are not supposed to keep our eyes totally focused on whatever destination we are reaching for. If you are constantly looking into tomorrow, you miss everything that is happening in your life today. Just as we shouldn't dwell on the past, we also should not get ourselves so wrapped up in the future, that we neglect the present.

Lesson #2 God is our Father.In the second section of the book, Kyle uses a metaphor of God as our Father. A lot of people have a hard time with this metaphor, because of their family situations. Kyle explains that God our Father is not an absent, workaholic who neglects the children he has brought into this world, nor is he an overprotective father, who will not allow his children to grow up.

He uses an example of his daughter. At the time he was writing, his daughter was two. He explained that he and his wife never allowed little Avery to give her input for any decisions regarding her life. If they left the decisions up to her, she would just whine all the time for junk food and stay up late and run around naked. She was totally reliant upon them for her protection and her providence, to ensure that she would live a full and healthy life. He then said that when Avery was 16, this same parenting tactic would not work. He could not make all of Avery's decisions for her. She would have learned to rationalize and use logic and arguments and reasoning in order to make decisions for herself. He, as her father, would still offer his input, but he would trust that he had raised her in such a way that she would be able to make some decisions by herself by that point in her life. He also used the example of a child in college. The child calls his father and asks, "Father, what is your will for my college major?" The father replies, "Son, my will is for you to make your own decision, based on what you are interested in."
Doesn't it make sense that if God has created us for a journey, he would allow us to experience it, allowing us to make some stupid mistakes, but always being by our side to comfort us when we do? I think there's a lot more freedom in Christ than we realize. I'm not tied down to one specific career path, one specific location, maybe even one certain man I HAVE to marry. Life isn't about finding the next puzzle piece. It's about being on your journey, pleasing God, and learning new things every step along the way.

So that's what I've learned so far...You have to forgive me because my explanations weren't nearly as good as Kyle's...Hey! Maybe you should just go read the book for yourself.

Currently reading : Understanding God's Will: How To Hack The Equation Without Formulas By Kyle Lake Release date: 31 October, 2004

Archives: Do You Believe Those Who are Single are the Devil's Children?

February 1, 2006 - Wednesday
Current mood: aggravated

OK, on another website I frequent, I have been involved in a discussion about this article. Here's the link: http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001199.cfm

read it, then come back and let me know what you think!

My grandmother has a really bad habit. Well, she probably wouldn't consider it a bad habit, but me (along with all of her other grandchildren) are severely annoyed. We all know she is going to do it. If you're over the age of 16, and you're in her presence, you can count on it. She greets you, gives you a hug, tells you one of two things (you look nice, or "don't you ever wear makeup?"), spends some time in casual conversation, compliments you a little. And just when you think you've escaped it, these words flow forth from her mouth like molten lava from a volcano, "So, Nicole (or whichever grandchild she happens to be talking to), you got a boyfriend...yet?"

Now, my cousins and I have been able to come up with some pretty creative responses to this question. One said, "No, Mama, I've decided I'm not going to get married." I told her once, "No. No boys like me. No boys will ever like me. I've just resigned myself to that fact." But the one classic response that left her speechless came from my sister (it was indeed a proud moment in the family), "No, Grandma, I'm a lesbian"...I'm trying to come up with a response to top that for next time. Bless my Grandma's heart. She is a very young grandmother. Young in years, and young at heart. She is a beautiful woman, a fashionable dresser, and a loving and godly person, but she just doesn't get it. Things were different in her day. She was married at the ripe old age of 15. She had more than one child at the age of 20. That life was all she knew. So she thinks me and my cousins are all old maids, and we better find us a man before it's slim pickin's.
She doesn't realize that the world is different now. Just like the author of this article doesn't realize that times have changed since the Bible. I don't go out and sit by the well to wait for a man to ask me to water his camels. I don't wear a veil to church. I don't go out and work in the family fields all day. I don't keep silent so as not to disturb the men.

Over time, God has allowed women a little more freedom. Some may call this a curse, I count it a blessing. Call it whatever you want, we are not the same. And with this added freedom comes added responsibility. We are now able to participate in worship services. We can go out and have a good time with our friends. We can have jobs and receive good education. We can be scholars of the Bible and drive cars and live our lives and date (that's right, I said 'the d word').
In the world we live in right now, we would never dream of sending a 14 year old girl into marriage. That's what they did in the Bible, though. But what Ms. Maken doesn't realize is that girls were sent into marriage at such a young age because they lifted a huge financial burden from their families. One less mouth to feed, one less kid to watch. And a 14 year old girl would have already learned all the ins and outs about keeping house, caring for children, tending the animals, providing for a husband. Times have changed. It is perfectly fine for a woman to wait until she is in her 20's to get married.

And it's not because of superficial men. I know many young men who are living godly lives and trusting God for their futures. I know a lot of men who would say their dream is to be a good father and husband, and they're just waiting on God's providence. And it's not because of "sewing our wild oats". I have no proverbial oats to be sewn. I don't feel that I have to live a little before settling down. I don't have anything to prove to myself or others before I have a family. I can have fun without being stupid and compromising my values. And, most of all, it's not because poor pitiful me can't find a man who will have mercy on me and take me in. It's simply because times have changed.

The Bible still applies today, don't get me wrong. We don't throw out the Bible because our world is different. But I don't recall reading anywhere in the Bible that "Thou shalt marry by the ageth of 16 or forever be subject to a life of displeasing God"...It's not in there...not even in the King James version. Yes, people in the Bible were married at a young age. But many people in the Bible were shepherds, too. Many people were watchmen. Many people would allow strangers who were passing through town to come and stay at their houses overnight. Have you met a lot of shepherds or watchmen in your lifetime? I haven't. And I wouldn't dream of allowing a stranger into my home to spend the night. We have hotels for that. The world has changed. And so we can't live our lives exactly as the people lived in the Bible.

I am 23 years old. I do not have a husband or children, but I do have a steadily growing relationship with God. A relationship in which I can go to Him with my concerns (a husband is one of those concerns, but not the only one). A relationship in which I can use the spiritual gifts He has given me to serve Him out of love and commitment. It is also a relationship in which He blesses me and knows what is best, sometimes keeping me from the things I ask Him for because I am not ready for them yet. We know each other intimately. We know what the other one desires and likes, and we do certain things and take certain attitudes in order to please one another...out of love. Sounds like God has taught me a lot about marriage already, huh?

Instead of recognizing that many single women are victims because of the deficits in the present construct, we dismiss their unwanted status as simply "God's will." Today's singleness is not celibacy-induced kingdom work unaccommodating to family life. No, it's the result of choices and mistakes by both the individual and society. Today's singleness is either a lifestyle option or purely circumstantial; therefore, it is largely unbiblical.

And to further continue my rant, I DO NOT have an 'unwanted status', thank you very much. There are plenty of men out there I could 'settle' for. There are plenty of men out there who are not compatible with me because of personality differences and such. There are plenty of men out there who would take me in a second, but I know they would not provide me or my family with the spiritual leadership I have been waiting for. And, I'm sorry folks, but if I can't get that, then marriage isn't worth it to me. And don't tell me that my way of life is unbiblical. I think it's unbiblical to whimsically rush into marriage without consciously pouring over it, bathing it in prayer and wise direction from mentors and God Himself. I think it's unbiblical to get married just so you can say you're married. Last time I checked, there was a passage by the prophet Isaiah that said, "Those that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength."You see, God and i have this arrangement. I don't worry about a thing, and I just believe that He will tell me when it's time to get married and start a family. I'm not going to allow a desire for a husband to consume my life. God CAN and DOES use me now, in my singleness, and he CAN and WILL use me when I'm married. So, maybe I am single by choice, but it's not by my own choice...It's God's choice. And I think He probably knows what's best for me. Can you tell I'm more than a little incensed over this article? Sorry if I sound a little angry, but I am.


My worth is not determined by my marital status. Would I like to someday be married? Of course! Do I spend some evenings alone wondering why others my age got married, and I'm still single? You bet! Do I fear that I may always be alone, and that there is no man for me? Yes. But, the beautiful thing is, that when I find myself surrounded by all of these concerns (and even some whispers from the enemy), God is consistently reminding me that I should trust Him. I refuse to take control of this situation by going out and finding me a man. He has never failed me before, and He loves me more than I could ever fathom. He will provide what I need when I need it...bottom line.



Currently listening : A Liturgy, A Legacy & A Ragamuffin Band By Rich Mullins Release date: 26 October, 1993

Archives: Searching for Mr. Darcy

December 5, 2005 - Monday

I have recently watched the new Pride & Prejudice (ok, I'll admit it, I've seen it twice and offered to go with someone for a third time...man I am a pathetic loser).It's not good for me to watch romantic movies like that. They should be required to put a disclaimer at the beginning of every sappy romance film.

WARNING The film you are about to see could give you a misinterpretation of
love, a longing for providence no human being can offer, and an inaccurate
perception of how relationships work.

Why is it when I watch a movie like Pride & Prejudice, I fantasize about my Mr. Darcy, coming to charm me and dash me away on a whirlwind ride to lifelong happiness? Why do I place all my hopes and longing for fulfillment in men? I start to think, I'll be truly happy when I get married...THAT is when my life will really start.

Well, it's unfair for me to place that kind of responsibility on any man, no matter how perfect he is. I can't search for fulfillment in a man...men are human, they are just as messed up and vulnerable as I am. No man will ever be able to fulfill any void I have in my life.

If Mr. Darcy did really exist, what kind of relationship would that be? It would be one in which all my needs were met, I was always happy, never in want of anything. And he would not ever need anything from me. He would always find me beautiful, glamorous, and be there to provide for whatever I asked of him. Well, girls, as nice as that might sound, that is not a relationship! That is a genie, allowing you to induldge yourself without ever having any color in your life.

A relationship like this would not breed any growth, any depth, or any true commitment. It's easy to stay with someone who gives you everything you ask for and asks for nothing in return.

I am confident that God will bring my Mr. Darcy to me someday. My Mr. Darcy, however, will be slightly different from the one in the movie. My Mr. Darcy will get sick of my jokes sometimes. He will say things that hurt my feelings. He will not always see things from my vantage point and he will not give me everything I ask him for. My Mr. Darcy might be a little geeky. He will probably have trouble expressing how he truly feels. And he will fail me at times.

In the same vain, I will be his Elizabeth Bennett, but I won't always have the perfect thing to say. I won't always light up a room when I walk in. Sometimes I will yell at him, and pick and nag at the little things he does. Sometimes I will hurt his feelings. I may gain a lot of weight, or spend too much money, or not like his mother. I am certain there will be times when I am not beautiful to him (emotionally and physically).

That's the beauty of a relationship, though...Loving someone even when you don't feel like it. Pressing on when you're mad at him for leaving his socks on the bathroom floor, or farting in bed, or never helping out around the house. Sticking with it, even when you think he doesn't deserve it. And, really, that's more romantic than any old Mr. Darcy with an English accent (no matter how handsome he may be).

Love is modeled for us by our Creator. Who, in His great grace, loved us and sacrificed for us even when we didn't deserve it. We were unfaithful, disloyal, brats who gave no regard to Him...and He still loved us anyway. He loved us enough to sacrifice His Son on a cross so that we could be with him forever. Now that is romantic! And when my husband arrives in my life, I am going to choose to love Him with that same kind of love demonstrated by my Father. Afterall, the only reason we can love at all is because He loved us first.

So, ladies, go ahead an watch your romantic movies...we all love them, right? But when you watch, take in everything with a grain of salt...realizing that the world's perception of love is tainted and distorted from what we know real love is.