January 20, 2008 - Sunday
Current mood: thoughtful
There is a new movie out right now called 27 Dresses. It is the story of me. Although, the woman depicted in the film is much sweeter and a far better friend than I am.
But I have been a bridesmaid about 27 times with the promise of several more to come in the future (I've actually been in 5 weddings, but I was using hyperbole for dramatic effect). Make no mistake, I absolutely LOVE being a bridesmaid. When my close friends and family members are getting married, I can't imagine anything I'd rather do than to stand with them in support of the beginning of their new lives. I've had some fabulous times at weddings. I am always left with a story to tell. For example, this summer I was in my cousin's wedding. After I had finished putting my dress on for the ceremony, I realized that my slip was a little wrinkled underneath. As I flipped my dress up to fix my slip, the dress hit me in the face and I was left with a perfect pink lip print right around the knee caps on my lavender dress. It seems like something always happens to create a lasting memory. There are not a whole lot of things funnier than a photographer trying to strategically place your kneecaps so the lipstick on your dress won't show….thanks, Tina.
But with each ceremony comes a little twinge of selfish pain. With each diamond ring a little loneliness. With each bridesmaid dress a little regret. With each wedding announcement a little fear.
The female mind is so complex. I never cease to amaze myself with my thought processes. I can be completely elated for my friend when she gets engaged, and completely heartbroken at the same time. I love my friends and family dearly and I can't imagine a higher honor than to be asked to participate in the most important day of their lives. It must mean I'm special to them. They want to share their joy with me. They want me to help them celebrate. And I am genuinely thrilled to be there.
But at the same time, each step down that aisle makes me wonder if my time will ever come.
My very best friends from college are already married with children. Their lives are so different from the days of sitting in the dorm rooms eating pizza at 1:00 AM. They have children to care for, houses to keep, husbands to spend time with. And honestly, aside from the fact that I can't eat pizza that late at night anymore, my life really isn't too different from my college days.
Maybe I should enjoy my freedom while I have it….but sometimes that's hard to do.
I think back on the past and I realize there were a couple of relationships or hopes of relationships I wasted too much time on. And there have been a couple of relationships or potential relationships I'm afraid I gave up on too quickly. I sometimes wonder what would have happened had I been a little wiser.
And it's not about a wedding. I would get married at the City Hall for the right man. A wedding is a nice celebration, but I really don't care that much about it for myself. I just want some place to settle down. Somewhere that feels like permanence. A place that feels like home. Where I am now, unfortunately, isn't it. My life has been devoid of permanence since I graduated college nearly 4 years ago. I'm just wanting to be settled, and I'm not sure that I will until I have someone that I know I can spend the rest of my life with.
All of this isn't to say that my life is without happiness. I am actually quite happy most of the time and joyful all of the time. I'm not mentally unstable or emotionally underdeveloped. I have a job, I make plans, I go out with my friends, I have a good time, I set goals for myself, I try to improve myself all the time. I go on with my life. But marriage has been a deep longing in my heart since I was a little girl. I'm not spending my days in agony, pining away for a husband, and groveling with God to bring me one. But at times I feel the absence of my husband very acutely.
I don't know why I haven't gotten married yet. Maybe I'm annoying. Maybe I'm too ugly. Maybe I have bad breath. But I have the feeling that it's probably just because I just haven't entered into that relationship yet. And I'm confident that God will provide. The waiting is just difficult sometimes. As I was making a long drive tonight, I heard this new song by my favorite songwriter of all time: Kendall Payne. You can hear the song playing on my profile page right now, but I am also going to type the lyrics here for you to read.
I realize that there are people who have lost loved ones, or who are battling cancer, and I'm whining about feeling a little lonely. I understand that I'm being completely selfish and impatient and pitiful. But I'm so grateful that God loves me in spite of myself, and that He still speaks even when I can't seem to pull my head out of the mud to hear him clearly. If the Creator of love himself is offering these words of encouragement and empathy to me, then I have to feel better about my current and temporary situation.
I Will Show You Love by Kendall Payne
I will show you love like you've never loved before
I will go the distance and back for more if you just say the word
You will come alive again and call the trying times your friend
The pain that you have suffered through will never get the best of you
You will hope in something real that won't depend on how you feel
When you call my name then I will answer
I am on your side though the wind and waves beat against your faith
And you were on my mind when the world was made
Trust in me, my child
Walk out on the water where you have no control
So scared to death of failure, you sacrifice your soul, please let that go
You have climbed an uphill road, you have worn a heavy load
You have cried through endless nights and nearly given up the fight
Watched your dreams like falling stars, the heartaches made you who you are
Now looking back you see that I have always been there
Where you gonna hide, where you gonna hide from me
Where you gonna go, where you gonna go that I can't see
Cause I have heard you cry and it breaks my heart for I love you so
I would never lie, this is not the end, there is still a hope.
To my married friends and family, I love you all dearly and please know that I am truly and sincerely happy for you that you have found stability and someone to share your life with. I look up to you.
For the rest of us, may you find encouragement in the words of this beautiful and eloquent song and also in the Word of the creator of love. Know that you're not alone and that human love will falter and fail, but God's love is perfect.
Currently listening : Paper Skin By Kendall Payne
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Monday, January 8, 2007
Pride & Prejudice...and Passion
January 8, 2007 - Monday
Current mood: impressed
She walks out into a foggy meadow at daybreak after a sleepless, troublesome night. As she is left alone with her thoughts, she gazes into the distance to see a mysterious, shadowy figure slowly and confidently approaching. The music swells as he comes into view. He walks straight for her, carrying the sunrise on his shoulders, his soft brown hair bouncing with each step.She peers into the fog wondering if this is a dream.
He is wearing the type of shirt one might expect from Fabio or some other man on the cover of a romance novel. It is made from white cotton with a V-neck, showing just enough chest hair to keep you interested. As he finally reaches her, the sun begins to bounce off of her wavy brown locks and he says, "You must know. Surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night and it has taught me to hope...as I had scarcely allowed myself before.
If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I would have to tell you, you have bewitched me, body and soul. And I love, I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on."
She tenderly steps toward him and grasps his hand in both of hers."Well then," she softly kisses his hand. It is the kind of kiss in which the lips barely graze the skin, yet the deepest, truest love is conveyed through the brief contact they make with his knuckles."Your hands are cold," she says.
The music swells even more and the sound of birds chirping in the morning sky fills the air. As they continue to stare into one another's eyes, the blazing orange sun can now be seen between their two faces. Rather than sharing in a long, passionate kiss, they simply place their foreheads together, close their eyes and enjoy this moment, for it is all they need to know they will be together forever.
On any ordinary day, cheesey, obnoxiously romantic dialog and a horrendously cliche setting such as this would cause my body to go into involuntary and violent convulsions followed by a severe and painful round of dry heaves.
But last night Pride & Prejudice revealed something to me that I had never seen before...or maybe I had seen it, but chosen to ignore it. Either way, I feel as though I have been awakened to a new thought.
Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett did not have a storybook romance. They struggled. They hated one another. They were terribly embarrassed around each other. They misunderstood. They were stubborn.
Prior to this scene, every encounter between the two of them had been filled with an awkward interaction. They stumbled over their words. They yelled at one another. They were disgusted with each other, yet they were alike in every way.
If I hadn't known the story before watching this film, I never would have thought the two of them would end up together. They (okay, bear with me because this is going to sound overly simplified and probably rather corny) were too prideful and too prejudiced to be able to see the potential for what would come.
Even in their rocky beginning one thing can be said about the tumultuous relationship between these two: they were passionate.
Every encounter between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth throughout the story is filled with passion, whether it is passionate fury, passionate disgust, passionate humor, passionate embarrasment, and eventually, passionate affection...passion was not something either of them was lacking for in terms of personality. Even their awkward encounters were filled with a strange sort of fervor and longing.
Watching this movie, yet again, has opened my eyes. Love is meant to be passionate.
Passionately patient, passionately kind, passionately humble, passionately selfless, passionately pleasant, passionately forgiving, passionately truthful, passionately protecting, passionately trusting, passionately hopeful, and passionately persevering.Love is not something to be taken lightly.
Love is an expression, an emotion, an action God provided us to express, emote, and act out with fervor. There is no room in love for half-heartedness. The proverbial "old college try" simply won't do. Love is something that requires all of our energy, all of our attention, all of our dilligence. Why do we throw the word "love" around so carlessly? I love hot dogs? I love Starbucks? I am the guiltiest one of all. I have oft been caught telling friends that I am madly in love with whomever happens to be my flavor of the week on television or in music or...whatever.
No wonder we go about love with lax and whimsical attitudes...we have over-used it, over-hyped it, over glamourized it, even over-romanticized it.
True, honest, passionate love requires the lover to be completely willing to dive into the grit and grime of human relationships. It begs for compassion and mercy when betrayal wins the battle over virtue. Passionate love demands a passionate forgiveness when we can't see ourselves as our lover does, and we lack the confidence to fully engage ourselves in that love relationship. Passionate love asks us to passionately confront our lover with the problems that need to be addressed, for passionate love knows that the passive-aggressive way of dealing with things leads to nothing but bitterness and resentment.
Passionate love makes us commit to strongly and deeply loving that person, even when we don't feel like it. It causes us to want to work through the dirt and the filth and the pain we bring each other and resurface stronger and more in love than ever before.
Does this longing for passion in any way negate my previous anti-romance rants-disguised-as-blogs? Not at all. I still don't want to fall whimsically, hopelessly, desperately and helplessly in love. I still don't want a man to come in and fix all of my problems and make me a whole person. I still don't think it's unbiblilcal for me to be a single woman who is waiting for God to bring someone to me. But when love does happen, I want it to be a passionate, real, authentic, gritty love.
I've never been married before. I don't have a boyfriend. I don't even have a date...so I could be all wrong about this whole love thing. Please, correct me and instruct me in the ways of love if you want to...I've got a lot to learn.And, okay, if I'm going to be terribly honest, that final scene in Pride & Prejudice, as much as I love that film, does leave me feeling a bit nauseated...just a little.
Current mood: impressed
She walks out into a foggy meadow at daybreak after a sleepless, troublesome night. As she is left alone with her thoughts, she gazes into the distance to see a mysterious, shadowy figure slowly and confidently approaching. The music swells as he comes into view. He walks straight for her, carrying the sunrise on his shoulders, his soft brown hair bouncing with each step.She peers into the fog wondering if this is a dream.
He is wearing the type of shirt one might expect from Fabio or some other man on the cover of a romance novel. It is made from white cotton with a V-neck, showing just enough chest hair to keep you interested. As he finally reaches her, the sun begins to bounce off of her wavy brown locks and he says, "You must know. Surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night and it has taught me to hope...as I had scarcely allowed myself before.
If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I would have to tell you, you have bewitched me, body and soul. And I love, I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on."
She tenderly steps toward him and grasps his hand in both of hers."Well then," she softly kisses his hand. It is the kind of kiss in which the lips barely graze the skin, yet the deepest, truest love is conveyed through the brief contact they make with his knuckles."Your hands are cold," she says.
The music swells even more and the sound of birds chirping in the morning sky fills the air. As they continue to stare into one another's eyes, the blazing orange sun can now be seen between their two faces. Rather than sharing in a long, passionate kiss, they simply place their foreheads together, close their eyes and enjoy this moment, for it is all they need to know they will be together forever.
On any ordinary day, cheesey, obnoxiously romantic dialog and a horrendously cliche setting such as this would cause my body to go into involuntary and violent convulsions followed by a severe and painful round of dry heaves.
But last night Pride & Prejudice revealed something to me that I had never seen before...or maybe I had seen it, but chosen to ignore it. Either way, I feel as though I have been awakened to a new thought.
Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett did not have a storybook romance. They struggled. They hated one another. They were terribly embarrassed around each other. They misunderstood. They were stubborn.
Prior to this scene, every encounter between the two of them had been filled with an awkward interaction. They stumbled over their words. They yelled at one another. They were disgusted with each other, yet they were alike in every way.
If I hadn't known the story before watching this film, I never would have thought the two of them would end up together. They (okay, bear with me because this is going to sound overly simplified and probably rather corny) were too prideful and too prejudiced to be able to see the potential for what would come.
Even in their rocky beginning one thing can be said about the tumultuous relationship between these two: they were passionate.
Every encounter between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth throughout the story is filled with passion, whether it is passionate fury, passionate disgust, passionate humor, passionate embarrasment, and eventually, passionate affection...passion was not something either of them was lacking for in terms of personality. Even their awkward encounters were filled with a strange sort of fervor and longing.
Watching this movie, yet again, has opened my eyes. Love is meant to be passionate.
Passionately patient, passionately kind, passionately humble, passionately selfless, passionately pleasant, passionately forgiving, passionately truthful, passionately protecting, passionately trusting, passionately hopeful, and passionately persevering.Love is not something to be taken lightly.
Love is an expression, an emotion, an action God provided us to express, emote, and act out with fervor. There is no room in love for half-heartedness. The proverbial "old college try" simply won't do. Love is something that requires all of our energy, all of our attention, all of our dilligence. Why do we throw the word "love" around so carlessly? I love hot dogs? I love Starbucks? I am the guiltiest one of all. I have oft been caught telling friends that I am madly in love with whomever happens to be my flavor of the week on television or in music or...whatever.
No wonder we go about love with lax and whimsical attitudes...we have over-used it, over-hyped it, over glamourized it, even over-romanticized it.
True, honest, passionate love requires the lover to be completely willing to dive into the grit and grime of human relationships. It begs for compassion and mercy when betrayal wins the battle over virtue. Passionate love demands a passionate forgiveness when we can't see ourselves as our lover does, and we lack the confidence to fully engage ourselves in that love relationship. Passionate love asks us to passionately confront our lover with the problems that need to be addressed, for passionate love knows that the passive-aggressive way of dealing with things leads to nothing but bitterness and resentment.
Passionate love makes us commit to strongly and deeply loving that person, even when we don't feel like it. It causes us to want to work through the dirt and the filth and the pain we bring each other and resurface stronger and more in love than ever before.
Does this longing for passion in any way negate my previous anti-romance rants-disguised-as-blogs? Not at all. I still don't want to fall whimsically, hopelessly, desperately and helplessly in love. I still don't want a man to come in and fix all of my problems and make me a whole person. I still don't think it's unbiblilcal for me to be a single woman who is waiting for God to bring someone to me. But when love does happen, I want it to be a passionate, real, authentic, gritty love.
I've never been married before. I don't have a boyfriend. I don't even have a date...so I could be all wrong about this whole love thing. Please, correct me and instruct me in the ways of love if you want to...I've got a lot to learn.And, okay, if I'm going to be terribly honest, that final scene in Pride & Prejudice, as much as I love that film, does leave me feeling a bit nauseated...just a little.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Archives: Falling Into Love
November 29, 2006 - Wednesday
Current mood: satisfied
How many times a day to you hear the phrase "fall in love"?
I'm guessing at least 47; add another 32 on top of that if you watch anything on Oxygen or Lifetime.
Being the logically-minded, cynical, occasionally bitter person I am, I have always hated the phrase "fall in love". It implies weakness. I picture a woman and a man whimsically and absent-mindedly flailing about until they haphazardly stumble into each other's arms, too caught up in the feeling of it all to pay attention to anything else that might be happening around them. They just can't stop smiling and gazing into each other's eyes. They can't keep from touching one another. The world is spinning around them, but they are standing still, lost in the love they have just fallen into.
Puke.
I always said I would never fall in love. I would logically make a decision to step into love with someone, knowing full-well the risks and rewards associated with forming such a relationship.
I have been talking to a close friend about some guy problems she has been dealing with lately..I don't have any men problems of my own right now (no men = no men problems). And since I am problem-free, I figured I would give some sage advice to my friend, who has had a recent surge in the male-problem department. I don't know what it is. Apparently they published an article in the Testosterone Tribune (the bi-weekly newsletter published by males, for males, and about females) alerting everyone that she is single, beautiful, available, and has a lot to offer. Why it took so long for them to take notice, I'll never know. I'm just waiting for that article about me to circulate...even a mass email would be fine.
As I was talking with my friend, though, I started to notice how completely dubious I sound about love and romantic things. Maybe I've been burned too much in the past. Maybe I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. Maybe I'm just too much of a realist for my own good.
Because I am avoiding falling in love, but rather trying to "logically step into it," I am afraid I have formed a bad habit. I try to read the circumstances. I try to make things happen. I try to see how the relationship is unfolding before it even begins. I am so conscientious about stepping into love, that I try to see the potential for nearly every man I meet. "Hmm. He plays guitar and goes to my church..maybe he's my future husband." "I wonder what would happen if I married this guy..he has a great family and a good job." "Mrs. Nicole Humperdink*. Hmm. It has a nice ring to it." "Wow. That guy is really cute. I wonder what our children would look like."Well, as ludicrous as those thoughts may seem, they are true. Ladies, if you don't admit that you have those kinds of thoughts sometimes, then you're lying. If men knew what we really thought, they would turn around and RUN the other way. Well, as I was talking to my friend, I realized that in my pursuit of logical love, I have tried to learn my future prematurely.
It's better to read a book the way the Author intended, rather than skipping ahead to try to figure out the end. You miss the most important parts. You sacrifice the story for the sake of finding out what happens.
Does that analogy make sense?If I keep speculating about each man I meet, if I keep trying to figure it all out, I'm going to miss the good part of my story. I'm going to miss out on the romance and the wooing. I'm going to miss out on the relationship that needs to be built in order for love to happen. I need to stop skipping ahead and just let things happen naturally. Allow myself to be pursued. Allow myself to be won over. Allow myself to...fall into love. I don't have to be whimsical and airy about it, but I can at least enjoy the ride. So, ladies, I motion that we stop imaging every man we meet in a tuxedo. Let's just start meeting people as people...not as potential future husbands or fathers of our finest children. Let's just meet people. You can think a man is attractive. You can shoot those flirty glances and smiles his way. But let him do the chasing. And that's not primitive or anti-fem or anything. It's just nice to be pursued. It makes us feel beautiful and lovely and desirable.Take things one day at a time. Don't rush ahead. Don't try to skip to the end and miss out on the best part of the story.
*Humperdink is a ficticious name used for illustrative purposes only and in no way reflects my feelings or ambitions toward any real person who may bear this particular surname.
Currently listening : Phil Wickham By Phil Wickham Release date: 25 April, 2006
Current mood: satisfied
How many times a day to you hear the phrase "fall in love"?
I'm guessing at least 47; add another 32 on top of that if you watch anything on Oxygen or Lifetime.
Being the logically-minded, cynical, occasionally bitter person I am, I have always hated the phrase "fall in love". It implies weakness. I picture a woman and a man whimsically and absent-mindedly flailing about until they haphazardly stumble into each other's arms, too caught up in the feeling of it all to pay attention to anything else that might be happening around them. They just can't stop smiling and gazing into each other's eyes. They can't keep from touching one another. The world is spinning around them, but they are standing still, lost in the love they have just fallen into.
Puke.
I always said I would never fall in love. I would logically make a decision to step into love with someone, knowing full-well the risks and rewards associated with forming such a relationship.
I have been talking to a close friend about some guy problems she has been dealing with lately..I don't have any men problems of my own right now (no men = no men problems). And since I am problem-free, I figured I would give some sage advice to my friend, who has had a recent surge in the male-problem department. I don't know what it is. Apparently they published an article in the Testosterone Tribune (the bi-weekly newsletter published by males, for males, and about females) alerting everyone that she is single, beautiful, available, and has a lot to offer. Why it took so long for them to take notice, I'll never know. I'm just waiting for that article about me to circulate...even a mass email would be fine.
As I was talking with my friend, though, I started to notice how completely dubious I sound about love and romantic things. Maybe I've been burned too much in the past. Maybe I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. Maybe I'm just too much of a realist for my own good.
Because I am avoiding falling in love, but rather trying to "logically step into it," I am afraid I have formed a bad habit. I try to read the circumstances. I try to make things happen. I try to see how the relationship is unfolding before it even begins. I am so conscientious about stepping into love, that I try to see the potential for nearly every man I meet. "Hmm. He plays guitar and goes to my church..maybe he's my future husband." "I wonder what would happen if I married this guy..he has a great family and a good job." "Mrs. Nicole Humperdink*. Hmm. It has a nice ring to it." "Wow. That guy is really cute. I wonder what our children would look like."Well, as ludicrous as those thoughts may seem, they are true. Ladies, if you don't admit that you have those kinds of thoughts sometimes, then you're lying. If men knew what we really thought, they would turn around and RUN the other way. Well, as I was talking to my friend, I realized that in my pursuit of logical love, I have tried to learn my future prematurely.
It's better to read a book the way the Author intended, rather than skipping ahead to try to figure out the end. You miss the most important parts. You sacrifice the story for the sake of finding out what happens.
Does that analogy make sense?If I keep speculating about each man I meet, if I keep trying to figure it all out, I'm going to miss the good part of my story. I'm going to miss out on the romance and the wooing. I'm going to miss out on the relationship that needs to be built in order for love to happen. I need to stop skipping ahead and just let things happen naturally. Allow myself to be pursued. Allow myself to be won over. Allow myself to...fall into love. I don't have to be whimsical and airy about it, but I can at least enjoy the ride. So, ladies, I motion that we stop imaging every man we meet in a tuxedo. Let's just start meeting people as people...not as potential future husbands or fathers of our finest children. Let's just meet people. You can think a man is attractive. You can shoot those flirty glances and smiles his way. But let him do the chasing. And that's not primitive or anti-fem or anything. It's just nice to be pursued. It makes us feel beautiful and lovely and desirable.Take things one day at a time. Don't rush ahead. Don't try to skip to the end and miss out on the best part of the story.
*Humperdink is a ficticious name used for illustrative purposes only and in no way reflects my feelings or ambitions toward any real person who may bear this particular surname.
Currently listening : Phil Wickham By Phil Wickham Release date: 25 April, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Archives: The Blessed Curse
November 14, 2006 - Tuesday
Current mood: rejuvenated
Singleness.
Have you ever browsed the "singles" section of your local bookstore? Have you?
Why is it that all books on the topic speak of singleness as if it were some kind of plague or trial to overcome?
There is even a book called Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness. It's by Debbie Maken. Don't read it unless you enjoy becoming angry and throwing books at walls. I read an article by this lady based on the book. Ms. Maken seems to think that once you reach a certain age, it is your biblical responsibility to be married. Apparently she hasn't heard of Paul or...well, Jesus or anyone else in history who did amazing things without a spouse.
I wrote a blog about this article a while back.
Why are all of our Christian resources on singleness focused on fixing us? I don't get it. Authors are writing all their books about what we DON'T have, rather than encouraging us in the opportunities we do have.
You don't see these titles in the bookstores:
Paul wrote:1 Corinthians 7:8-9
So there, married people! It looks like us singles are the stronger ones...Okay, so I'm kidding a little. But we need a shift in perspective.
Why does "single" automatically equal "not married"? Why can't "single" mean "one person", living life independently and growing in the Lord....not necessarily "waiting" on anything because my life is happening right now. Maybe "trusting" would be a better term.
I'm not crying out in desperation for a husband. I'd love to be married one day...but it's not right now. And that's fine. I'm a happy, single girl who is just trying to live her life for Jesus...see? We do exist.
Currently listening : Mutemath By Mute Math Release date: 26 September, 2006
Current mood: rejuvenated
Singleness.
Have you ever browsed the "singles" section of your local bookstore? Have you?
Why is it that all books on the topic speak of singleness as if it were some kind of plague or trial to overcome?
What To Do Until Love Finds You
Every Single Woman's Battle
Sex and the Single Guy
8 Great Ways to Find Your Mate
If Men Are Like Buses How Do I Catch One
How to Find A Man Worth Keeping
Lord Help Me...I'm Single
Every SINGLE Day
I Kissed Dating Goodbye
I Gave Dating a Chance
Lady in Waiting
There is even a book called Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness. It's by Debbie Maken. Don't read it unless you enjoy becoming angry and throwing books at walls. I read an article by this lady based on the book. Ms. Maken seems to think that once you reach a certain age, it is your biblical responsibility to be married. Apparently she hasn't heard of Paul or...well, Jesus or anyone else in history who did amazing things without a spouse.
I wrote a blog about this article a while back.
Why are all of our Christian resources on singleness focused on fixing us? I don't get it. Authors are writing all their books about what we DON'T have, rather than encouraging us in the opportunities we do have.
You don't see these titles in the bookstores:
You're Single: Enjoy It While It Lasts
It's Not a Race to the Altar
8 Great Ways Not to Date
Paul wrote:1 Corinthians 7:8-9
Now to the UNMARRIED and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
So there, married people! It looks like us singles are the stronger ones...Okay, so I'm kidding a little. But we need a shift in perspective.
Why does "single" automatically equal "not married"? Why can't "single" mean "one person", living life independently and growing in the Lord....not necessarily "waiting" on anything because my life is happening right now. Maybe "trusting" would be a better term.
I'm not crying out in desperation for a husband. I'd love to be married one day...but it's not right now. And that's fine. I'm a happy, single girl who is just trying to live her life for Jesus...see? We do exist.
Currently listening : Mutemath By Mute Math Release date: 26 September, 2006
Wednesday, February 1, 2006
Archives: Do You Believe Those Who are Single are the Devil's Children?
February 1, 2006 - Wednesday
Current mood: aggravated
OK, on another website I frequent, I have been involved in a discussion about this article. Here's the link: http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001199.cfm
read it, then come back and let me know what you think!
My grandmother has a really bad habit. Well, she probably wouldn't consider it a bad habit, but me (along with all of her other grandchildren) are severely annoyed. We all know she is going to do it. If you're over the age of 16, and you're in her presence, you can count on it. She greets you, gives you a hug, tells you one of two things (you look nice, or "don't you ever wear makeup?"), spends some time in casual conversation, compliments you a little. And just when you think you've escaped it, these words flow forth from her mouth like molten lava from a volcano, "So, Nicole (or whichever grandchild she happens to be talking to), you got a boyfriend...yet?"
Now, my cousins and I have been able to come up with some pretty creative responses to this question. One said, "No, Mama, I've decided I'm not going to get married." I told her once, "No. No boys like me. No boys will ever like me. I've just resigned myself to that fact." But the one classic response that left her speechless came from my sister (it was indeed a proud moment in the family), "No, Grandma, I'm a lesbian"...I'm trying to come up with a response to top that for next time. Bless my Grandma's heart. She is a very young grandmother. Young in years, and young at heart. She is a beautiful woman, a fashionable dresser, and a loving and godly person, but she just doesn't get it. Things were different in her day. She was married at the ripe old age of 15. She had more than one child at the age of 20. That life was all she knew. So she thinks me and my cousins are all old maids, and we better find us a man before it's slim pickin's.
She doesn't realize that the world is different now. Just like the author of this article doesn't realize that times have changed since the Bible. I don't go out and sit by the well to wait for a man to ask me to water his camels. I don't wear a veil to church. I don't go out and work in the family fields all day. I don't keep silent so as not to disturb the men.
Over time, God has allowed women a little more freedom. Some may call this a curse, I count it a blessing. Call it whatever you want, we are not the same. And with this added freedom comes added responsibility. We are now able to participate in worship services. We can go out and have a good time with our friends. We can have jobs and receive good education. We can be scholars of the Bible and drive cars and live our lives and date (that's right, I said 'the d word').
In the world we live in right now, we would never dream of sending a 14 year old girl into marriage. That's what they did in the Bible, though. But what Ms. Maken doesn't realize is that girls were sent into marriage at such a young age because they lifted a huge financial burden from their families. One less mouth to feed, one less kid to watch. And a 14 year old girl would have already learned all the ins and outs about keeping house, caring for children, tending the animals, providing for a husband. Times have changed. It is perfectly fine for a woman to wait until she is in her 20's to get married.
And it's not because of superficial men. I know many young men who are living godly lives and trusting God for their futures. I know a lot of men who would say their dream is to be a good father and husband, and they're just waiting on God's providence. And it's not because of "sewing our wild oats". I have no proverbial oats to be sewn. I don't feel that I have to live a little before settling down. I don't have anything to prove to myself or others before I have a family. I can have fun without being stupid and compromising my values. And, most of all, it's not because poor pitiful me can't find a man who will have mercy on me and take me in. It's simply because times have changed.
The Bible still applies today, don't get me wrong. We don't throw out the Bible because our world is different. But I don't recall reading anywhere in the Bible that "Thou shalt marry by the ageth of 16 or forever be subject to a life of displeasing God"...It's not in there...not even in the King James version. Yes, people in the Bible were married at a young age. But many people in the Bible were shepherds, too. Many people were watchmen. Many people would allow strangers who were passing through town to come and stay at their houses overnight. Have you met a lot of shepherds or watchmen in your lifetime? I haven't. And I wouldn't dream of allowing a stranger into my home to spend the night. We have hotels for that. The world has changed. And so we can't live our lives exactly as the people lived in the Bible.
I am 23 years old. I do not have a husband or children, but I do have a steadily growing relationship with God. A relationship in which I can go to Him with my concerns (a husband is one of those concerns, but not the only one). A relationship in which I can use the spiritual gifts He has given me to serve Him out of love and commitment. It is also a relationship in which He blesses me and knows what is best, sometimes keeping me from the things I ask Him for because I am not ready for them yet. We know each other intimately. We know what the other one desires and likes, and we do certain things and take certain attitudes in order to please one another...out of love. Sounds like God has taught me a lot about marriage already, huh?
And to further continue my rant, I DO NOT have an 'unwanted status', thank you very much. There are plenty of men out there I could 'settle' for. There are plenty of men out there who are not compatible with me because of personality differences and such. There are plenty of men out there who would take me in a second, but I know they would not provide me or my family with the spiritual leadership I have been waiting for. And, I'm sorry folks, but if I can't get that, then marriage isn't worth it to me. And don't tell me that my way of life is unbiblical. I think it's unbiblical to whimsically rush into marriage without consciously pouring over it, bathing it in prayer and wise direction from mentors and God Himself. I think it's unbiblical to get married just so you can say you're married. Last time I checked, there was a passage by the prophet Isaiah that said, "Those that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength."You see, God and i have this arrangement. I don't worry about a thing, and I just believe that He will tell me when it's time to get married and start a family. I'm not going to allow a desire for a husband to consume my life. God CAN and DOES use me now, in my singleness, and he CAN and WILL use me when I'm married. So, maybe I am single by choice, but it's not by my own choice...It's God's choice. And I think He probably knows what's best for me. Can you tell I'm more than a little incensed over this article? Sorry if I sound a little angry, but I am.
My worth is not determined by my marital status. Would I like to someday be married? Of course! Do I spend some evenings alone wondering why others my age got married, and I'm still single? You bet! Do I fear that I may always be alone, and that there is no man for me? Yes. But, the beautiful thing is, that when I find myself surrounded by all of these concerns (and even some whispers from the enemy), God is consistently reminding me that I should trust Him. I refuse to take control of this situation by going out and finding me a man. He has never failed me before, and He loves me more than I could ever fathom. He will provide what I need when I need it...bottom line.
Currently listening : A Liturgy, A Legacy & A Ragamuffin Band By Rich Mullins Release date: 26 October, 1993
Current mood: aggravated
OK, on another website I frequent, I have been involved in a discussion about this article. Here's the link: http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001199.cfm
read it, then come back and let me know what you think!
My grandmother has a really bad habit. Well, she probably wouldn't consider it a bad habit, but me (along with all of her other grandchildren) are severely annoyed. We all know she is going to do it. If you're over the age of 16, and you're in her presence, you can count on it. She greets you, gives you a hug, tells you one of two things (you look nice, or "don't you ever wear makeup?"), spends some time in casual conversation, compliments you a little. And just when you think you've escaped it, these words flow forth from her mouth like molten lava from a volcano, "So, Nicole (or whichever grandchild she happens to be talking to), you got a boyfriend...yet?"
Now, my cousins and I have been able to come up with some pretty creative responses to this question. One said, "No, Mama, I've decided I'm not going to get married." I told her once, "No. No boys like me. No boys will ever like me. I've just resigned myself to that fact." But the one classic response that left her speechless came from my sister (it was indeed a proud moment in the family), "No, Grandma, I'm a lesbian"...I'm trying to come up with a response to top that for next time. Bless my Grandma's heart. She is a very young grandmother. Young in years, and young at heart. She is a beautiful woman, a fashionable dresser, and a loving and godly person, but she just doesn't get it. Things were different in her day. She was married at the ripe old age of 15. She had more than one child at the age of 20. That life was all she knew. So she thinks me and my cousins are all old maids, and we better find us a man before it's slim pickin's.
She doesn't realize that the world is different now. Just like the author of this article doesn't realize that times have changed since the Bible. I don't go out and sit by the well to wait for a man to ask me to water his camels. I don't wear a veil to church. I don't go out and work in the family fields all day. I don't keep silent so as not to disturb the men.
Over time, God has allowed women a little more freedom. Some may call this a curse, I count it a blessing. Call it whatever you want, we are not the same. And with this added freedom comes added responsibility. We are now able to participate in worship services. We can go out and have a good time with our friends. We can have jobs and receive good education. We can be scholars of the Bible and drive cars and live our lives and date (that's right, I said 'the d word').
In the world we live in right now, we would never dream of sending a 14 year old girl into marriage. That's what they did in the Bible, though. But what Ms. Maken doesn't realize is that girls were sent into marriage at such a young age because they lifted a huge financial burden from their families. One less mouth to feed, one less kid to watch. And a 14 year old girl would have already learned all the ins and outs about keeping house, caring for children, tending the animals, providing for a husband. Times have changed. It is perfectly fine for a woman to wait until she is in her 20's to get married.
And it's not because of superficial men. I know many young men who are living godly lives and trusting God for their futures. I know a lot of men who would say their dream is to be a good father and husband, and they're just waiting on God's providence. And it's not because of "sewing our wild oats". I have no proverbial oats to be sewn. I don't feel that I have to live a little before settling down. I don't have anything to prove to myself or others before I have a family. I can have fun without being stupid and compromising my values. And, most of all, it's not because poor pitiful me can't find a man who will have mercy on me and take me in. It's simply because times have changed.
The Bible still applies today, don't get me wrong. We don't throw out the Bible because our world is different. But I don't recall reading anywhere in the Bible that "Thou shalt marry by the ageth of 16 or forever be subject to a life of displeasing God"...It's not in there...not even in the King James version. Yes, people in the Bible were married at a young age. But many people in the Bible were shepherds, too. Many people were watchmen. Many people would allow strangers who were passing through town to come and stay at their houses overnight. Have you met a lot of shepherds or watchmen in your lifetime? I haven't. And I wouldn't dream of allowing a stranger into my home to spend the night. We have hotels for that. The world has changed. And so we can't live our lives exactly as the people lived in the Bible.
I am 23 years old. I do not have a husband or children, but I do have a steadily growing relationship with God. A relationship in which I can go to Him with my concerns (a husband is one of those concerns, but not the only one). A relationship in which I can use the spiritual gifts He has given me to serve Him out of love and commitment. It is also a relationship in which He blesses me and knows what is best, sometimes keeping me from the things I ask Him for because I am not ready for them yet. We know each other intimately. We know what the other one desires and likes, and we do certain things and take certain attitudes in order to please one another...out of love. Sounds like God has taught me a lot about marriage already, huh?
Instead of recognizing that many single women are victims because of the deficits in the present construct, we dismiss their unwanted status as simply "God's will." Today's singleness is not celibacy-induced kingdom work unaccommodating to family life. No, it's the result of choices and mistakes by both the individual and society. Today's singleness is either a lifestyle option or purely circumstantial; therefore, it is largely unbiblical.
And to further continue my rant, I DO NOT have an 'unwanted status', thank you very much. There are plenty of men out there I could 'settle' for. There are plenty of men out there who are not compatible with me because of personality differences and such. There are plenty of men out there who would take me in a second, but I know they would not provide me or my family with the spiritual leadership I have been waiting for. And, I'm sorry folks, but if I can't get that, then marriage isn't worth it to me. And don't tell me that my way of life is unbiblical. I think it's unbiblical to whimsically rush into marriage without consciously pouring over it, bathing it in prayer and wise direction from mentors and God Himself. I think it's unbiblical to get married just so you can say you're married. Last time I checked, there was a passage by the prophet Isaiah that said, "Those that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength."You see, God and i have this arrangement. I don't worry about a thing, and I just believe that He will tell me when it's time to get married and start a family. I'm not going to allow a desire for a husband to consume my life. God CAN and DOES use me now, in my singleness, and he CAN and WILL use me when I'm married. So, maybe I am single by choice, but it's not by my own choice...It's God's choice. And I think He probably knows what's best for me. Can you tell I'm more than a little incensed over this article? Sorry if I sound a little angry, but I am.
My worth is not determined by my marital status. Would I like to someday be married? Of course! Do I spend some evenings alone wondering why others my age got married, and I'm still single? You bet! Do I fear that I may always be alone, and that there is no man for me? Yes. But, the beautiful thing is, that when I find myself surrounded by all of these concerns (and even some whispers from the enemy), God is consistently reminding me that I should trust Him. I refuse to take control of this situation by going out and finding me a man. He has never failed me before, and He loves me more than I could ever fathom. He will provide what I need when I need it...bottom line.
Currently listening : A Liturgy, A Legacy & A Ragamuffin Band By Rich Mullins Release date: 26 October, 1993
Monday, December 5, 2005
Archives: Searching for Mr. Darcy
December 5, 2005 - Monday
I have recently watched the new Pride & Prejudice (ok, I'll admit it, I've seen it twice and offered to go with someone for a third time...man I am a pathetic loser).It's not good for me to watch romantic movies like that. They should be required to put a disclaimer at the beginning of every sappy romance film.
Well, it's unfair for me to place that kind of responsibility on any man, no matter how perfect he is. I can't search for fulfillment in a man...men are human, they are just as messed up and vulnerable as I am. No man will ever be able to fulfill any void I have in my life.
If Mr. Darcy did really exist, what kind of relationship would that be? It would be one in which all my needs were met, I was always happy, never in want of anything. And he would not ever need anything from me. He would always find me beautiful, glamorous, and be there to provide for whatever I asked of him. Well, girls, as nice as that might sound, that is not a relationship! That is a genie, allowing you to induldge yourself without ever having any color in your life.
A relationship like this would not breed any growth, any depth, or any true commitment. It's easy to stay with someone who gives you everything you ask for and asks for nothing in return.
I am confident that God will bring my Mr. Darcy to me someday. My Mr. Darcy, however, will be slightly different from the one in the movie. My Mr. Darcy will get sick of my jokes sometimes. He will say things that hurt my feelings. He will not always see things from my vantage point and he will not give me everything I ask him for. My Mr. Darcy might be a little geeky. He will probably have trouble expressing how he truly feels. And he will fail me at times.
In the same vain, I will be his Elizabeth Bennett, but I won't always have the perfect thing to say. I won't always light up a room when I walk in. Sometimes I will yell at him, and pick and nag at the little things he does. Sometimes I will hurt his feelings. I may gain a lot of weight, or spend too much money, or not like his mother. I am certain there will be times when I am not beautiful to him (emotionally and physically).
That's the beauty of a relationship, though...Loving someone even when you don't feel like it. Pressing on when you're mad at him for leaving his socks on the bathroom floor, or farting in bed, or never helping out around the house. Sticking with it, even when you think he doesn't deserve it. And, really, that's more romantic than any old Mr. Darcy with an English accent (no matter how handsome he may be).
Love is modeled for us by our Creator. Who, in His great grace, loved us and sacrificed for us even when we didn't deserve it. We were unfaithful, disloyal, brats who gave no regard to Him...and He still loved us anyway. He loved us enough to sacrifice His Son on a cross so that we could be with him forever. Now that is romantic! And when my husband arrives in my life, I am going to choose to love Him with that same kind of love demonstrated by my Father. Afterall, the only reason we can love at all is because He loved us first.
So, ladies, go ahead an watch your romantic movies...we all love them, right? But when you watch, take in everything with a grain of salt...realizing that the world's perception of love is tainted and distorted from what we know real love is.
I have recently watched the new Pride & Prejudice (ok, I'll admit it, I've seen it twice and offered to go with someone for a third time...man I am a pathetic loser).It's not good for me to watch romantic movies like that. They should be required to put a disclaimer at the beginning of every sappy romance film.
WARNING The film you are about to see could give you a misinterpretation ofWhy is it when I watch a movie like Pride & Prejudice, I fantasize about my Mr. Darcy, coming to charm me and dash me away on a whirlwind ride to lifelong happiness? Why do I place all my hopes and longing for fulfillment in men? I start to think, I'll be truly happy when I get married...THAT is when my life will really start.
love, a longing for providence no human being can offer, and an inaccurate
perception of how relationships work.
Well, it's unfair for me to place that kind of responsibility on any man, no matter how perfect he is. I can't search for fulfillment in a man...men are human, they are just as messed up and vulnerable as I am. No man will ever be able to fulfill any void I have in my life.
If Mr. Darcy did really exist, what kind of relationship would that be? It would be one in which all my needs were met, I was always happy, never in want of anything. And he would not ever need anything from me. He would always find me beautiful, glamorous, and be there to provide for whatever I asked of him. Well, girls, as nice as that might sound, that is not a relationship! That is a genie, allowing you to induldge yourself without ever having any color in your life.
A relationship like this would not breed any growth, any depth, or any true commitment. It's easy to stay with someone who gives you everything you ask for and asks for nothing in return.
I am confident that God will bring my Mr. Darcy to me someday. My Mr. Darcy, however, will be slightly different from the one in the movie. My Mr. Darcy will get sick of my jokes sometimes. He will say things that hurt my feelings. He will not always see things from my vantage point and he will not give me everything I ask him for. My Mr. Darcy might be a little geeky. He will probably have trouble expressing how he truly feels. And he will fail me at times.
In the same vain, I will be his Elizabeth Bennett, but I won't always have the perfect thing to say. I won't always light up a room when I walk in. Sometimes I will yell at him, and pick and nag at the little things he does. Sometimes I will hurt his feelings. I may gain a lot of weight, or spend too much money, or not like his mother. I am certain there will be times when I am not beautiful to him (emotionally and physically).
That's the beauty of a relationship, though...Loving someone even when you don't feel like it. Pressing on when you're mad at him for leaving his socks on the bathroom floor, or farting in bed, or never helping out around the house. Sticking with it, even when you think he doesn't deserve it. And, really, that's more romantic than any old Mr. Darcy with an English accent (no matter how handsome he may be).
Love is modeled for us by our Creator. Who, in His great grace, loved us and sacrificed for us even when we didn't deserve it. We were unfaithful, disloyal, brats who gave no regard to Him...and He still loved us anyway. He loved us enough to sacrifice His Son on a cross so that we could be with him forever. Now that is romantic! And when my husband arrives in my life, I am going to choose to love Him with that same kind of love demonstrated by my Father. Afterall, the only reason we can love at all is because He loved us first.
So, ladies, go ahead an watch your romantic movies...we all love them, right? But when you watch, take in everything with a grain of salt...realizing that the world's perception of love is tainted and distorted from what we know real love is.
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