Day 10: How's That Working Out For Ya?

Exactly one week ago I posted a blog with a few challenges for myself and some of my readers to follow. If you want a refresher, read it HERE.

My mom and I decided to do the Walk to Jog Challenge....and we're scared! In just two short weeks we'll be bringing jogging into the picture little by little and we're just not sure we're up to the challenge. But we're going to try out hardest, and we're going to stick with it, even if it takes us a little longer than 12 weeks to get to the point where we can jog for 20 minutes straight. Yikes!

As far as the other challenges, I have been doing great with my Great Outdoors Challenge. I have absolutely loved being outside in this beautiful weather.

The 30 Minutes and More Challenge is going well so far, too. Next week I'll need to increase my workout time to 35 minutes, but I've already exercised 3 times this week for over 30 minutes, so it really won't be such a huge transition.

The Conquer the Couch Potato Challenge has been a bit of a struggle for me. It's not that I don't want to do it....I just don't think of it while I'm absent-mindedly letting advertisers brainwash me to buy their new products. Man, it's so frustrating to have to tell you that I haven't consciously gotten up to move around one single time during a commercial break in the last week. I suck! And I would like to invite anyone who reads this blog to text or email me throughout the evenings of this month to remind me to get off my butt and move around if there's a commercial on. I figure if I'm watching an hour long TV show, that's an extra 20 minutes of movement I can get in for the day. If only I can remember to do it!

As I'm doing my walks, I'm realizing that I really need to get a pedometer. I would love to be able to gauge how much distance I'm walking and how I'm improving over time. I have a little cheap pedometer that came free with the purchase of a Nintendo DS game I bought awhile back. This pedometer only counts steps, though. It doesn't tell distance or calories burned or anything like that.

Can anyone recommend a good pedometer for me? I don't want to spend a fortune, but I would like to be able to see the steps I've walked for the day, along with the distance I've walked, and possibly the calories I've burned as well.

For my actual exercise walks, I'm thinking about downloading an iPhone app to monitor my distance and speed. I found one that looks pretty good called iTreadmill. Does anyone else with a Smart phone have an app for that?

I'd love to hear any recommendations or suggestions! How's everyone else's exercise regimen going?

Also a few quick notes on commenting:

1. If you leave a comment on the blog and you want to see what other people say in response to your comment, there is a little button at the bottom of the comments section that says "Subscribe by Email." If you click that and enter your email address, my blog will send you an email every time someone comments on that particular post. You can also do that if you're just generally interested in the topic for that day and you want to hear what others are saying.
2. If you do not want to leave a comment as "Anonymous," you can go to "Select Profile" then "Name/URL" and type in your name. Let me know if you have any questions. I understand it's kind of goofy.

And one more thing I have miserably failed to mention on here: my boyfriend is also doing a daily blog for every day of his 27th year
(I unashamedly ripped off his idea). I'd love if you would check it out,
and leave a comment or two letting him know you stopped by.
www.AdamGodfrey.com

Day 9: The Organic Debate

"Organic" seems to be a buzz word lately. I know a lot of people who put a lot of effort into eating organic, all-natural products. From produce, to meats, to peanut butter and milk, a lot of kitchen staples are available in organic varieties. I wonder if it's all worth it.

I try to eat a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables. I know that a real banana is healthier than a bag of banana chips, for example. But I'm just not entirely convinced yet that spending the extra money for "organic" bananas is worth the dent in my bank account.

I think it's important to try to buy local foods whenever possible. I think I will do more of my shopping at the farmer's market and the street side produce stands this year.

But I'm not ready or willing to spend the extra money on organic foods at the grocery store, or to give up some of the processed foods I love.

Unfortunately, I don't have enough sunlight in my back yard to grow a garden, but I think I may buy one of those indoor lights and grow a few vegetables to save a little money.

What do you think about the organic issue? Is it worth the expense? Does "organic" really mean anything to you?

Day 8: Weekly Weigh-In

We Went to the Weight Watchers meeting last night. It was just as cheesy as the one last week, but I think my mom and I decided that we're going to stick with it at least until my sister's wedding in late June.

Weekly Weigh-In Wesults:
-4lbs.

I suppose I should be excited about losing 4 pounds, but I always get hung up on the numbers. Every time I hop on the scale I think about all of the possible variables that could have led to the number I'm seeing. Maybe I wore really heavy clothes last week, I think I ate a lot more today than I normally do, when was the last time I went to the bathroom? I never think my weight loss (or gain) is a legitimate number because there are so many other factors involved. But since they don't allow for naked, first thing in the morning weigh-ins at Weight Watchers, I guess I'm just going to have to look past all of that.

I think I've always had issues with this. Whether I'm seeing a loss or a gain, my mind battles the report of the scale, and I always end up thinking that the change in my weight isn't due to what I'm actually doing, but rather that it's a result of factors beyond my control (i.e. clothing, digestion, water weight, etc.). That makes it very difficult for me to ever stick with a weight-loss regimen because I never trust the results I see on the scale.

I do have one thing to look forward to: if I lose 1 more pound, I get a sticker at my next Weight Watchers meeting! I can hardly stand the anticipation of it all.

I want to know how you guys conquer your brain in the matter of weight loss. How do you get past that mind block that says, "This isn't real."

Day 7: Champion Chow

I've been doing the Weight Watchers plan for almost a full week now, and I've started to notice a couple of trends: 1.) I have a major starvation episode around mid-afternoon. Around 3:00 every day I start to feel like my stomach is a vast expanse within my body that is screaming for nourishment before I die. And 2.) After dinner, I crave something sweet.

Here are a couple of great foods that I've found to answer those problems:

The Laughing Cow Light Cheese Wheels

These little cheese wedges are incredible. They taste divine, and the texture is so creamy. They're delicious on crackers, vegetables, or even in recipes like THIS ONE. They come in 3 flavors right now: Creamy Swiss, Garlic & Herb (a personal favorite), and French Onion. This summer there will be 3 new flavors in the line as well: Blue Cheese; Mozzarella, Sun-Dried Tomato & Basil; and Queso Fresco & Chipotle. Each wedge only has 35 calories and 2 grams of Fat, which makes them a 1 Point food! You can find them in any grocery store. At Kroger they're with the cream cheeses, I believe. At Wal-Mart they're near the Deli counter. They make for a filling and savory afternoon snack.

Sweet Treats

I have a major sweet tooth. Every night after dinner I crave something sweet to cleanse my palate. It doesn't matter how full I feel, I still want something sweet. These little gems do the trick without a lot of damage. Tootsie Pops and Blow pops may not be as nutritious as, say, 10 medium baby carrots, but they are still a guilt-free solution to sugar-cravers like me. They only have 1 point each, so they're a perfect way to cap off the evening. And who knew Tootsie Pops came in flavors like banana and lemon-lime?

And if you're craving that savory, intense chocolate rush, I would highly recommend the Hershey's Sugar-free miniatures. They're also only 1 point a piece and they satisfy the screaming chocolate fiend within so that you can enjoy the rest of your evening without feeling bloated and guilty for eating an entire gallon of ice cream with hot fudge. No, you don't want to fill up on these non-healthy foods several times a day, but I am learning that allowing myself one little treat every day helps me to stay on track without feeling overwhelmed by denying myself everything I love to eat.

Those are my Champion Chows for the day....do you have any guilt-free foods that help you stay on track?

Day 6: Recipe - Slow Cooker Tortilla Soup

For those of you who don't know, Hungry Girl is a brand that provides low-calorie and low-fat (and delicious) recipes through their cookbooks and their website www.Hungry-Girl.com. I am a huge Hungry Girl fan. Their recipes may not offer the most nutrients (they use some processed foods), but they definitely offer a less-guilt alternative to some of my favorite dishes.

This is a Hungry Girl recipe I merged with my own recipe because I wanted to use the amazing slow cooker Adam got me for Christmas.

Slow Cooker Tortilla Soup
Makes 4 (1 cup) servings

Ingredients:
3 c. Fat-Free Chicken Broth
4 oz. Lean Skinless Boneless Chicken Breast, Chopped
1 c. Canned Diced Tomatoes, Undrained
1/2 c. Canned Sweet Corn Kernels
1/2 c. Chopped Onions
1 Tbsp. Chopped Jalapeno Peppers
1 Tbsp. Lime Juice
1 Tbsp. Fajita Seasoning Mix
1 tsp. Minced Garlic
1 tsp. Ground Cumin
1 tsp. Chili Powder
6 Baked Tortilla Chips, Crushed

Optional Toppings: Cilantro, Fat-Free Sour Cream, Fat-Free or Low-Fat Shredded Cheese

Directions:
Place everything except the tortilla chips in the slow cooker and cook on low all day. Ladel into bowls and top with crushed tortilla chips, cilantro, cheese and sour cream.

Per Serving (1 Generous Cup): 101 Calories, 1g Fat, 650mg Sodium, 13g Carbs, 1.5g Fiber, 4g Sugars, 11g Protein

Total Points Value: 2

If you're interested in the Hungry Girl cookbooks (there are currently 3 of them, with an additional one coming this Spring), you can find them at Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and many other places.

Day 5: What Works for You?

Flat Top Grill was delicious last night...it never disappoints. I had intended to take a picture to post on here today, but I got so caught up in enjoying it that I forgot. Here's what I put in my stir fry:

Zucchini - 0 points
Celery - 0 points
Asparagus - 0 points
Jicama - 0 points
1/2 c. Brown Rice - 3 points (although I think next time I'll spend a few more points, because that wasn't enough rice.)
1/2 chicken breast - 3 points
2 ladles of Asian Sesame Giner Sauce - 1 point
1 ladle of Red Hot Chili Sauce - 2 points
1 piece of their Roti bread - 3 points

So my Stir Fry istelf only cost 9 points for a huge portion (I estimated that I put about half a cup of each veggie in), and then their divine roti flat bread was an additional 3 points. My dinner cost me 12 points in all, which is pretty good, I think. It was very filling and healthy.

Then we went to the movies and I got my small popcorn with butter. It was delicious, but it upset my stomach later. And I was able to get a small cup for ice without paying for it, but it was only slightly larger than those Dixie paper cups they give you to rinse with at the dentist's office. Oh well.

And in case you were wondering, Alice in Wonderland was just okay to me. Johnny Depp gave a stupendous performance, as he always does, but I found the rest of the film to be a little boring. It didn't hold my attention and excite me like I had hoped it would. I almost wish there had been more colors in it, or something. It was all kind of gray. But I guess it wouldn't be a Tim Burton movie if it wasn't dark, right?

My topic for today stems from a conversation Adam and I had last night.

We all need to be careful not to try to do too much too soon, because then we will end up overwhelmed and discouraged. For some people, just starting out with making a goal of getting some kind of exercise every day, and working on making that a habit is what works for them because they know this is a goal they will be able to attain, rather than setting some lofty goal that they may not be able to reach. But for other people, setting short-term, tangible goals is the way to go because they know they are working toward a specific achievement, rather than just following a very broad goal of exercising every day, which could get boring and cumbersome with no end in sight.

I thought about it a little and then I explained that I think when I set broad goals like "work out 5 days a week," it's easy for me to get lost and bored. I think I just see it as infinite. I'm working out 5 days a week for what? Or I'm striving toward what achievement? Yes, the ultimate goal is to be healthy and fit, but "work out 5 days a week" doesn't offer short-term, tangible results.

I'm trying something different this time around. I want to break up my exercise into small, short-term goals or challenges for myself. That way I know that if I start out today, in 30 days I will have achieved this particular goal. Or in 12 weeks I will be able to do this thing that I've always wanted to do. I think knowing there is an end in sight will help me to stick with the program for the entire time period.

That may not work for some people, though.

Honestly I've never tried setting short term goals before, so I can't say without a doubt that it's the strategy that works for me. I'm just testing it out to see what I think. My biggest fear is that my goals will be too hard and I won't be able to accomplish them. But I know that I have to set the bar high for myself and really go beyond what I've done in the past if I want to get results.

So I want to know what works for you? Do you like working in short-term goals, or do you prefer to just strive toward a long-term goal of being healthier?

What are some techniques you use to keep yourself motivated with your exercise? How do you bring yourself to work out when you just aren't in the mood?

I'm really interested to see what everyone's thoughts are on this. Please leave your comments below.

Day 4: Movie Night Survival Strategies

It's the weekend. It's time to relax and unwind and maybe even go out and have a little fun. What do you do when you've been so healthy all week, then the weekend shows up and you want to ease up a little bit on the diet, while still avoiding a 2-day binge of any junk food within a 3-mile radius.

A good way to plan for the weekend is to eat well during the week, knowing that you will allow yourself a few treats over the weekend. I'm thinking that planning to ease up a little on my healthy eating will prevent me from going completely crazy.

With the Weight Watchers program, I have 35 extra points to use at my discretion, guilt-free, throughout the week. I don't have to use the points if I don't want to, but I am allowed to use them and enjoy a "treat" if the opportunity presents itself. A lot of people use their points little by little throughout the week, while others choose to save them up for a special occasion. I like this idea because I can still allow myself to eat what I want once or twice during the week without the guilt and regret the next day.

Friday is my favorite day of the week because it's date night for my boyfriend and me. We live about an hour and a half away from each other, so we typically meet in Bloomington, which is the middle for both of us. Our date nights always involve dinner followed by some other activity. Tonight we're going to see Alice in Wonderland.

I love going to the movies. I am sucked in by the bright lights, all the people, the comfortable theater seats and the prospect of being entertained for a couple of hours. But nothing gets me into that movie theater more than the smell of that delicious, buttery popcorn.


It would be an understatement for me to say that movie theater popcorn is a guilty pleasure for me. A more appropriate term might be "an unquenchable craving from the deepest place in my being that screams for my attention as soon as I walk in the door." I. Love. Movie Theater Popcorn.

Unfortunately movie theater popcorn does not love me. My hips can tell you all about it.

According to the nutritional website TheDailyPlate.com, A large movie theater popcorn with butter has an estimated 1640 calories and 126 grams of fat. That adds up to 43 Weight Watchers Points, which is well over the total I am supposed to have for one day, and well over my Flex Points allowance as well.

But what am I supposed to do when the smell draws me in and I can't ignore those cravings?

Here's my answer:

I know that when I get to the theater I am going to want popcorn. And I want to enjoy my movie-watching experience with my favorite snack. I don't care what all those dieting websites say, sneaking in a Ziploc bag full of carrots and celery is not going to help me.

Knowing what I'm going to do ahead of time is going to help me to be prepared when my old friend Popcorn starts calling my name.

For the movie tonight, I am going to have a small popcorn (7 cups), with butter (who gets no butter at the movie theater, anyway?). This is an estimated 630 calories and 50 grams of fat, for 17 of my flex points.

However, because I am choosing the popcorn, I am going to limit myself on other things, like sugary soda. I will drink water, and I will avoid the candy counter.

The theater we're going to tonight offers unlimited refills on drinks and the really good ice. Fellow ice chewers will appreciate this sentiment. "The Good Ice" refers to ice pellets, ice nuggets, or Sonic Ice. There is no better ice consistency in the world for your chewing pleasure. It just fits so perfectly between your teeth and is just soft enough while still allowing for a little bit of crunch. In addition to its perfect texture, this ice also takes longer to melt. There really is no question when it comes to frozen water. "The Good Ice" is the way to go.


All of that to say, getting a cup of ice is almost as important (if not more) than getting popcorn at this particular theater.

I could go the cheap route and bring along my own bottle of water (don't tell), then try to coax the cashier into giving me a free cup of ice. Or I could see if they have a water spigot at the fountain where you get your drink, and again, see if the cashier will give me just a cup for water and ice without charging me. I'm guessing they probably won't do this (which is a shame, considering that I'm spending half a million dollars for the movie tickets and the popcorn, rather Adam is). If they don't allow either of those options, I will be forced to purchase a regular-priced drink and then only fill my cup with ice.

Then I'm left with this conundrum: Iis it worth it to pay $3.50 for a small cup of ice, or should I just go without and enjoy my bottled water sans those wonderful little frozen pellets?

The answer, of course, is even though they're robbing me blind, I'm going to get the ice.

And for dinner we're eating at Flat Top Grill, which is about as close to a heavenly feast as you can get. It's a create your own stir fry restaurant where you walk through a line and pile as many vegetables as you want into a bowl with some rice or noodles. Then you add meat and they cook it for you and bring it to your table. It is delicious. And it's healthy. I won't be able to add up my points until I get there and pick out what I'm going to have, but I figure my stir fry won't possibly be more than 10 points. I'll update you tomorrow on what my total ends up being.

I think overall, the best plan for going to the movies and trying to stay healthy is to eat better before you go, plan ahead, and make sure you allow yourself to have what you want, without overdoing it. There's no reason to get the Jumbo Mega Sized Bucket of popcorn for 25 cents more, even if the sixteen year old kid working the counter tells you it's a better deal. A small will satisfy you just fine, and you'll keep your quarter.

If you give in to your craving in one area, make yourself stay strict in another area, like soda.

It's kind of a common sense approach. But I know that I want to make healthy living a complete overhaul of my lifestyle, and not just a trendy diet that I'll stick with for 3 weeks. So I have to allow myself a little wiggle room. It's not practical or realistic to expect myself to eat only healthy foods every day for the rest of my life. But with a little preparation and planning I can enjoy some of the less-healthy foods I love, while staying on track with my plan.

Thanks for reading, and remember to let me know if you want to participate in any of the challenges from yesterday's blog!

Day 3: Bringing Exercise Into the Picture

Exercise is an essential component to healthy living. I wish it wasn't. Sometimes I hate dragging myself off the couch to get moving. But I realize it's a necessity, and I think if I can find some kind of exercise that I enjoy doing, it will be much easier for me to be motivated to do it.

For me, I get discouraged by the idea of forcing myself to come home from work, change clothes, and do a routine of exercises every day for the rest of my life. I get caught up in the "infinity" aspect of it all. The daily grind gets me down. If I could see a tangible end in sight, I might be more apt to stick to an exercise regimen for a period of time. I think setting short goals will help me to work consistently so that I can accomplish what I want to.

With that in mind, I've been doing a little bit of Internet research. I would love to hear your input on these ideas, and see if there is anyone who wants to join me in a few challenges I've found that piqued my interest. Or maybe you have a few ideas of your own!

I'm trying to decide between these first two plans. I can't implement both of them right now, so I think I would like to hear some input and see if anyone else wants to join me in either of these challenges, and then I'll make my decision.

Weight Watchers Ultimate Walking Challenge
The first plan I found is a very long-term one. It's a 48 week walking plan to train yourself to eventually walk a half-marathon (about 13.5 miles). The 48 weeks is broken into shorter, 8 week segments, and we could break it down even further than that if we wanted to. The plan consists of walking different distances at different speeds 6 days a week. The first day of the challenge is to walk 1/2 mile in 10 minutes, and the last day of the challenge is to walk a half-marathon distance. If we started this week, we would accomplish our goal sometime in late January 2011. To me, this challenge seems a little daunting since it lasts so long. It might be easy to get lost in the big scheme of what you're doing somewhere around week 16 or so when you're sick of the same old thing. On the other hand, it would be great to be able to build up to that goal of walking 13 miles. I can't imagine myself being able to do that right now.

Sweat 365 Walk to Run Challenge
The second challenge I found is a 12-week plan to transition from walking to jogging. This plan requires you to walk/jog every other day (3-4 days per week). The workouts start out around 30 minutes at the beginning of the program, and gradually build up to about an hour toward the end. I've never been able to jog for an extended period of time, so I think this would be a great way to challenge myself with something I never thought I would be able to do. I like that the challenge is long enough to expect to see some real results, but it's short enough that the proverbial finish line would still be in sight, even from the very first days of the program.

Next is a list of things I personally want to challenge myself to incorporate into my every day life. I'd love if you guys would join me in these, too!

The 30 Minutes and More Challenge
I want to challenge myself, starting this Saturday, March 6th, to workout for 30 minutes a day, for 5 days out of the week. Then beginning on Saturday, the 13th, I will increase the length of my workout by 5 minutes. I will continue increasing my workouts by 5 minutes each week so that by March 27th I will be ready for a 45 minute workout 5 days per week.

The Great Outdoors Challenge

Spring is here and I am sick of being in the house! I think I need to spend some time being active outside. With this 3 day per week challenge for the entire Spring, I want to look at the weather forecast for the day, make note of the predicted High for that day, and spend that many minutes outside, doing something active. This may be going for a walk with a friend, riding a bike (which may be difficult considering that I don't have one), or taking my iPod as my companion and enjoying the scenery in my neighborhood. This outside time may or may not coincide with my daily workout routine. I just want to get more fresh air.

The Conquer the Couch Potato Challenge
Nobody enjoys commercial breaks unless it's the Super Bowl, right? So why not make the most out of those 3 minute breaks between segments of your favorite show and incorporate some movement? I want to challenge myself, and whoever else wants to participate, to get up and move during commercial breaks. This challenge will last through the month of March. Any time I'm watching TV and a commercial comes on, I am going to get up and do something to get my heart rate going. It may be that I do some jumping jacks, or take a flight of stairs a couple of times...or even go downstairs and get the laundry. I'm going to get up and make use of those couple of minutes of commercials.

So what do you think of these challenges? Does anyone want to join me in one or all of them? Do you have any other fitness challenge ideas we could incorporate, either for this month or in the future? Let me know in the comments section.

Day 2: The Beginning

Thank you so much for visiting my site. I have been so encouraged by all of the emails I've received about this Daily Blog journey. I really think it's going to be a successful one. I just have to make sure I'm diligent and I can stay on track, and that will be much easier for me to do if I know there are people counting on me who are wanting to keep up with how I'm doing every single day.

I am going to set the initial goal of writing a blog entry every day, for 6 months straight. After that, we'll see what happens. Six months seems a little cumbersome to me, but I think that is a good amount of time for me to expect to get some tangible results. After the 6 months, maybe I'll decide I don't need to blog every single day. Or maybe I'll decide that writing is a major factor in my success and I'll decide to keep going. Either way, I can promise that you will see a blog post here, every day, at least until September 2, 2010.

Initially, I'm wanting to start out with a more structured approach to help me sort of get into the habit of writing every day. Here is what you will find when you come to the blog each day:

Tuesday - Weekly Weigh-In Results. No, I'm not going to broadcast my weight on here, but I will definitely share my progress. My Weight Watchers meetings are Monday evenings, so I will be sure to post how much I've lost (or gained...but hopefully not) in the past week when I write on Tuesdays.

Wednesday - On Wednesdays I will post a discussion topic so that everyone can join in and share some ideas, suggestions, or thoughts on whatever the topic is.

Thursday - I think on Thursdays I would like to talk about fitness and what I'm doing as far as exercise, as well as maybe some fitness goals I would like to accomplish. I found a strategical guide to train yourself to walk a half-marathon. That is really tempting me. I'm going to look into it some more. But Thursdays will be a day to talk about exercise regimen; what's working, what's not working, etc.

Friday - Friday is the beginning of the weekend and, if you're like me, the "It's The Weekend" excuse tends to show up on Thursday and doesn't leave until Tuesday. On Fridays each week, I want to write about some Survival Strategies to help us enjoy our weekend without going overboard and starting out the week feeling discouraged.

Sunday - On Sundays I would like to share a healthy recipe (that I've already tasted and approved). I love cooking and I have plenty of really tasty and healthful recipes in my millions of cookbooks.

For Mondays and Saturdays I really haven't figured out exactly what I want to talk about. I would love if you guys could suggest a few different ideas of things we could discuss and maybe come up with a theme for those days.

So that's the plan, at least for now. I might get sick of being so structured later on, and if I do, then I'll change it up....but for now, just to get myself into the swing of things, I'll follow my prescribed plan for each day.

Now, a few notes on the blog itself.

Commenting
This is a community and we're here to encourage each other and share our own struggles and triumphs along the way. Since we're all in this together (you can thank me later for getting that High School Musical song stuck in your head), it's important for everyone who comes here to have a voice as well. Commenting is really easy, and when you want to you just follow these steps:

1. Type your comment in the comment box at the bottom of the post.
2. In the box that says Select Profile, Highlight the choice that says Name/URL.
3. In the box that pops up, type your Name, but leave the URL blank (unless you have a personal website, in which case, feel free to share it). Then click Continue.
4. Click Preview if you want to see your comment first, or click Post Comment if you're happy with it.

That's all there is to it! And I really do hope everyone will have fun with this and enjoy sharing.

Additionally, if you have a Google, Yahoo, Twitter, OpenID, AIM, NetLog account, you can follow me by clicking the link to the right that says "Follow Me, Please!" My picture is under there. That way you never have to worry about forgetting to read the blog. You'll get a reminder each day when a new post is made.

If you don't have one of those accounts and you still want to receive a reminder, I can subscribe up to 10 people to receive emails directly from this site when I make a new post. If I end up with more than 10 people who are interested, I will personally send an email to anyone else who wants a reminder. Just send me your email address (either in the comments section, or email me directly at nicole_rena06@yahoo.com).

I think that's about all of the how-to stuff that I can think of. Let me know if you have any questions or suggestions. I'm really excited about this!

The Unamed Weight Loss Daily Blog: Part 1

The issue of weight is a touchy one for most people I know. Countless multitudes of friends and family struggle with health and body image on a daily basis. I am among the many when it comes to these things. My weight has been a constant area of struggle for me since I was a teenager. I find that my biggest issue is that I lack discipline when it comes to sticking with a weight loss plan. I'd rather have a double cheeseburger and french fries "just this once" than to make a healthier selection and stay on track. Eventually "I'll splurge just this once" turns into weeks of eating badly followed by a resolution that "this will be the last time," and I'll eat healthy for a couple of weeks, until the cravings get loud enough and the cycle begins again.

I'm hoping to change that now. I plan to write a daily blog, detailing my weight loss journey, complete with struggles, high points, disappointments, and achievements, with plenty of tips and tricks I learn along the way. I'm hoping, too, that my readers will get involved by joining in the discussion and sharing their thoughts on the blog each day through the comments section at the bottom of each post. If we band together, we'll have a better shot at achieving success, to be sure. And hopefully we'll be able to encourage one another when one of us feels like giving up or giving in.

Let me start by telling you my story. As I said before, I've struggled with my weight and body image since adolescence. I have never been able to follow a healthy eating plan for more than a couple of months. I love fast food. I love fried food. I love sugar. That is not a great arsenal of weapons to bring along in the battle of the bulge. In college I lost 25 pounds by following the Atkins Diet for about 6 weeks. I promptly gained it all back (and much more) when I started eating carbs again. Since then I've been on a roller coaster of dieting, exercise, giving up, gaining weight, and ample amounts of frustration and disappointment.

Last fall I was approached by my Aunt Janine, who is undoubtedly the most driven and goal-oriented person I have ever met. If she wants to achieve something, nothing will ever stop her from getting there. Janine generously offered a few members of my family some free personal training to help us get healthy and lose weight. She helped us figure out what our daily calorie intake should be, she gave us helpful recipes and tips for eating right. And she also helped us to formulate fitness plans to achieve our goals. I had a lot of success with Janine at the beginning. I lost about 8 pounds in the first week, and continued to lost a total of about 12 pounds over the course of the first six weeks or so. Then the holidays came, the weather got bone chillingly cold, and I lost my motivation. It was easier for me to go to Burger King for lunch than it was for me to get up early and prepare my food before I left for work. It was easier to come home and curl up in bed for an evening nap than it was to change clothes and exercise. It was easier to give in to temptation than it was to get myself on track. And I really disappointed myself. I look back now and think about all the weight I could have lost had I just stuck with the plan. But now I find myself, back at square one, ready to begin again.

My mom and I decided to try Weight Watchers this time around. We figured the accountability of having to weigh-in in front of someone at every meeting would help us to stay disciplined throughout the week. I have to admit, I have my reservations. We attended our first meeting last night and it was pretty cheesy. There was a lot of show-and-tell and clapping, and stickers being passed out, and singing....that's all I'm going to say. But if I force myself to look past the hokey, I can see that the program really is beneficial for a lot of reasons.

So I hope with this blog to provide us all with a support system as we struggle with our weight issues, whether you're in the thick of it now (pun most definitely intended), or you've already lost weight and you're trying to maintain, or maybe you're not at a place right now where you want to even think about weight loss. Wherever you are in your life, I hope this blog will provide you with support, encouragement and maybe a little bit of education. And I hope that documenting my weight loss journey every single day will help me to stick with it and to be more disciplined.

Please comment below with suggestions for topics you'd like to see on the blog, or discuss with other readers.

Let's do this together and get healthier and look better!

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Book Review: The Shack

Note: After a year or so of this blog sitting stagnant, I went back and reviewed my....errrr....review of this book and I realized that I had changed my mind about some things. Not wanting to promote heretical ideas or concepts, I went back and edited this post.

I just finished reading The Shack by William Young. It has been a New York Times Bestseller, an Amazon.com chart topper, and a book that has received a great deal of buzz, both in the Christian and mainstream markets, but it has also been a source of controversy among many people in the Church. Let me give you a brief summary of the book before I tell you what I think.

Mackenzie Phillips is a loving father of five whose life is completely desecrated when his youngest daughter, Missy, is tragically kidnapped and murdered by a serial killer. Mack carries his pain (which he calls "The Great Sadness") around with him for three years. He is constantly living in a dark, abysmal state of being, just going through the daily grind, always commiserating with his constant companion, the pain and isolation he feels from his tragic loss. One day Mack receives a letter in his mailbox from God, inviting him to come back to the place his daughter was murdered (the Shack) for a meeting.

Mack drives to the Shack and meets with the Trinity. God the Father is a large, older African American woman who calls herself "Papa". God the Son is an average-looking Arab man with a beard. God the Spirit manifests itself as a young, free-spirited Asian woman named Sarayu.

Mack spends time individually and collectively with each person of the Trinity. He gets to know them intimately and learns and grows from his experiences with God. God helps Mack to work through his pain and to find some answers to the questions he has been asking since his daughter was taken from him.

Let me start with the points of contention I have with the book:
First, I guess I should mention that when I read a book, I read EVERYTHING in the book. I read the foreword, the afterword, the acknowledgments, the table of contents...I'll even scan through an index if there is one. And so before I read a word of the text of this book, I read the foreword.

In the foreword Young sets up the story by telling us that Mack is actually a friend of his, a real person. And that Mack has never been an accomplished writer, so he asked his friend Willie (the author of the book) to ghost-write his story for him. But the author maintains that this is a true account of exactly what Mack remembers from his trip to the Shack. The afterword is filled with the same assurance that Willie wrote the book for Mack based on Mack's memories of the events that took place.

In actuality, the story is not factual in any sense of the word, and Mack is a made-up character.

I suppose there is not a real problem here, except that the author is vehemently trying to persuade his readers that what he's writing is the truth. If this was just a story about a guy and his family, I wouldn't mind so much. But when you're dealing with a physical encounter with God, it's a different story. I think it was a little deceptive and desperate for Young to try to trick the reader into thinking this was a factual account of events in an attempt to convince his reader of the validity of his story. The bottom line for the reader is this: it's a novel, and it's a fictional, made-up story. The reader should not devour this book as truth in any sense.

Next, I'm a little wary of some of the theology presented in the book. I am always concerned when a popular Christian fad is adopted by believers. The Left Behind series that was popular about ten years ago has been taken as truth by many people, it was almost received as a prophecy for what would take place in the future. The Prayer of Jabez was another book Christian's couldn't seem to get their hands on quickly enough. It was a book declaring that God wants you to "name it and claim it" and all of your wildest dreams will come true. Taking a piece of literature scribed by human hands and making it into something holy is dangerous and I daresay deadly ground to tread. And I'm afraid The Shack is on its way to this cult status, and it could could potentially steer some people in the wrong direction. The Shack is one person's fictional account of what it might be like if a man tangibly and physically met God. This does not mean that people should take this account as Gospel, or as some great theological masterpiece because it is neither. There are all sorts of liberties taken in the author's representation of God and of various spiritual issues. Included in these, are the theology of the Trinity, the nature of God, the human vs. God nature of Jesus, the role of the Holy Spirit, the reality of hell, and the role of man in Creation. I'm not going to provide a list of all of the spiritual inaccuracies I found in the book because that would be counter to the point, and really, that would completely undermine the author's purpose in writing the book.

The Shack is a book about freedom, healing and forgiveness. It is not a theological admonition.

However, I do believe that an author should stand behind the theological implications he conveys in his works...even if they are fictional. I think Young took some very unbiblical stances on some very clear theological truths, and I'm afraid that it's for that reason that I cannot recommend this book to anyone.

Yes, it's possible to take the story for what it is and merely enjoy it for entertainment value. But I really don't see much value in it at all if what you're reading is false doctrine that is being absorbed by Christians around the world as some new vision of the truth. It is certainly not an entertaining or amusing story.

I understand that I'm being vague about exactly which heresies I found in the book, but please know that I am rewriting this portion of the blog over a year after I first read it.

Currently reading: The Shack By William P. Young

A Brand New Set of Keys!

February 18, 2009

One boring Thursday night as I was looking for something to do to kill time while I was out, I decided to pay a visit to the soon-to-be forgotten techie haven, Circuit City. I thought perhaps I could find a great deal on something…although, there really wasn’t anything I needed. As I entered the store, I made my way to the Nintendo Wii aisle, only to find a jumbled hodge-podge of generic games and accessories. Nothing that struck a chord with me. So I proceeded to the Nintendo DS section: nothing there either. I met the same fate in the CD and DVD aisles. Just as I was beginning to think my voyage had been all for naught, I had an epiphany: I realized I should go to the computer accessories. I began by looking at DVD-R and CD-R cases, then mouses (or, is it mice?), browsing through an endless line of broken displays, shelves in disarray, and other miscellaneous junk…until I eventually I made my way to the computer keyboards.

I have been in the market for a new computer keyboard for awhile. The one I had been using at work was dirty, there was gunk in between the keys, the buttons were too clicky, and because it was a wireless keyboard, the receptors had been on the fritz for quite some time. Most of the keyboards at Circuit City were your relatively basic, run of the mill standard keyboard. As my eyes perused through a sea of white and gray keyboards, occasionally I would stop to tap a key or two in order to measure the comfort level of typing on a particular machine. Nothing was really jumping out at me, so I began to button my coat so I could leave the store.

But then my eyes saw it.

The Microsoft Natural Ergonomic Keyboard 4000 (v. 1.0). Just the sight of it forced a slight gasp to escape my lips. The keyboard’s contemporary black and silver motif gave off a cool vibe, like I would instantly be a little hipper with it in my office. The leather comfort cushion (notice that I didn’t say “wrist guard”…this was more than that) gently whispered that carpal tunnel would never have to be in my vocabulary. The wave design across the top of the keyboard was as intriguing and curiosity-inspiring as the gap between the left and right hand keys.

And then I tried it out. The keystrokes were soft and gentle, like a summer breeze. They weren’t too loud, yet, they still made the comfortable soft “tap, tap, tap” that I love to hear as a reassurance that I’m working on something important.

I was sold. I had to have this machine.

Being the savvy business woman that I am, however, I did not want to fork over my own cash for a work-related item. So I hurried into work the next day and presented my case to my boss/dad. He gave his approval and I ordered the keyboard from Amazon (for slightly cheaper than Circuit City’s “closeout” price, mind you).

And then I waited.

Five.

Agonizing.

Boring.

Dirt-filled keyboard, aching wrist days.

Then, on a bright and cheerful February morning where it’s just cold enough to keep you alert, but not cold enough to make you miserable, the UPS man (my hero) walked into my office carrying a box.

It was my keyboard!

I hastily signed the UPS man’s electronic pad and grabbed my scissors so I could open the box.
As I pulled off the last piece of packing tape and carefully opened the flaps, a choir of angels began to sing the Hallelujah Chorus and a bright light shone around my new incredible office tool.

–I realize that I am being a tad dramatic; it’s only a keyboard afterall. But as
a self-proclaimed office supply geek, this is genuinely how I feel about this
piece of equipment. I get a natural high when I walk into staples, okay?–

And so as quickly as I possibly could, I unwrapped the keyboard and installed it.

I will say, the keyboard was a little difficult to get used to for the first day or so. Typing with a space in between your left and right hand is a strange thing. But it’s only day two, and I’m already almost back to my regular typing speed.

I am amazed at the features on this keyboard. I have buttons for web browsing, a slide bar for zooming –in OR out–, various programmable “favorite” buttons, one-click volume controls, and even a calculator shortcut button.

If you’re in the market for a new keyboard, or you just want a piece of office equipment to brighten your day a little, please consider the Microsoft Natural Ergonomic keyboard 4000 (available wherever fine computer equipment is sold). You will not be sorry.

The Death of My Pants

February 20, 2008 - Wednesday
Current mood: morose

Today I find myself in mourning. I could barely muster the strength to pull myself out of my grief this morning and get out of bed. Begrudgingly, I brushed my teeth, put on a sweatshirt and jeans and gathered my hair into a messy ponytail. In my state of desperation, the bright sun seems dark. The music I am listening to seems like sheer noise. And the cold winter air seems to sting my body as I jaunt out into a world that knows not the pain infiltrating my soul. It's cruel that the world can continue on, oblivious to the tragedy in my heart.

My favorite pants have died.

These were not any old pair of dress slacks. They were not designer jeans. They were not the epitome of fashion and style. My favorite pants were my men's flannel Santa Claus print pajama bottoms from Old Navy.

My sister gave me these pants as a Christmas gift a long time ago. My mind is in such a state of shock right now, that I can't remember exactly when she gave them to me...but I know it was sometime when I was in college.

These pants were very large. There were many times I would be wearing them, and accidentally flash my underwear to the people around me because the pants wouldn't stay up.

They were red flannel, with vintage Santa Claus heads scattered about, spreading Christmas cheer and smiles to everyone who gazed upon them. They were too long and too big for me, but I loved them anyhow. They tied with a red flannel drawstring.

The pants offered me comfort, not only on my body, but in my heart. They were what made me feel at home after a long day. They were the security wrapped around me when I awoke shaken from a bad dream. They were the protection coating my legs if I spilled coffee on myself. They were my best friend.

One might tend to think that, given the holiday theme of these pants, they would lend themselves to only be worn during the Christmas season. But these pants transcended all seasons. They may have been covered in Santa Claus heads, but they were with me throughout every season of my life, bringing happiness and warmth through the good times and the bad.

They were with me through breakups, make ups, spills, cleanups, sickness, health, laughter, crying, anger, joy....these pants have been a sustaining force in my life since that fateful Christmas day when I carefully tore off the paper surrounding the box in which they were encased. As soon as I set eyes on them, I knew we would be lifelong friends.

But the other day, as I was putting the pants on, I noticed something was amiss. And I gasped in horror as I realized what it was. The fabric had worn and I had ripped a giant hole in the upper thigh of the pants!

I feel like I am partially to blame here. I should have known that the pants were getting on in years, and I should have taken into account that the fabric would be vulnerable and frail. But instead, I was so eager for my instant comfort, that I yanked the pants up and they ripped. I killed the pants in my zeal.

This is not how I had envisioned the end. I thought these pants would be with me forever. And if they weren't with me forever, I figured they would eventually be shipped off to Goodwill, so they could bring the same level of comfort and peace to someone else as they did for me. I thought perhaps I would travel to an exotic location and accidentally leave the pants behind, allowing them to live a new adventure with whomever happened to pick them up. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I would one day give the pants to my own daughter when her first boyfriend broke up with her...so that she could experience their healing power.

I never thought their life would be cut so short, and so abruptly. I am so ashamed of my inattentiveness and my lack of concern. But I know I have to somehow...some way, figure out how to move on without them.

My friends, I admonish you, please be with me during this difficult time. Sometimes I need a friend to tell me a joke and cheer me up; and other times all I need is someone to sit with my quietly as I reflect on these pants that were taken long before their time.

Let's all raise our glasses in loving memory of my Santa Claus pants...They will be missed, but forever celebrated in our hearts!

Spiritual Implications from Bob Ross

February 19, 2008 - Tuesday
Current mood: artistic

I can't wait for spring. Winter has turned me into a TV junkie and...well....a lazy bum. When the weather finally climbs to 50 degrees or so, I will be ready to go outside and run with my arms in the air, screaming as loud as I can for the freedom brought by warmer weather. Of course, I don't run....and I don't remember ever screaming like that. But you know, this is figurative.

During my winter imprisonment, I often find myself flipping the channels, and for some unknown reason, I always stop on the Public Broadcasting Channel called simply "Create". This channel has many different shows ranging in topic from scrapbooking to quilting to making an entire Winter Wonderland themed party kit out of recycled chewing gum, toothpicks, and glitter. My normal routine is to stop on this station, watch for about 2 minutes or so, and then carry on with my channel flipping. One show, however, always captivates my attention for longer...The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross.

Bob Ross is my friend Kim's future late uncle-in-law. We all know Bob's mellow narration and penchant for happy trees. His calm demeanor and soothing voice have occasionally lulled me to sleep. However, when I have managed to stay awake, I have always encountered a slight problem.

I don't trust Bob.

I have seen his work before. I know that all of his paintings turn out great. I have never seen one I didn't like. Granted, they are not particularly the style I with which I would choose to decorate my home, but I can appreciate a work of art when I see one. Give him 25 minutes and Bob can transform a plain canvas into a majestic mountainscape, or a snowy winter scene. He has never failed in his work, and I have always stood amazed at the end of his show.

But every time I watch, I get worried. I think, "Oh, Bob, why did you put that big ugly streak of van dyke brown right down the middle of your painting?" or "Yeah, he's painting all that gray around the edges; it's going to look ugly now." or "How could he ruin all that beautiful water by adding those highlights?"

Now, I know nothing of painting. I've made a few modest attempts, but they have all turned out looking like, well...looking like I painted them.

Somehow, I still feel like I can criticize and scrutinize Bob Ross's paintings, while he is in the process of creating them. I think I can somehow know that Bob is going to ruin his beautiful work by adding this tree here or that highlight there.

But in the end, Bob's paintings always turn out looking spectacular and perfect, and I turn the channel with a renewed faith in Bob and his ability to see beyond my scope of knowledge.

Doesn't this sort of parallel our own lives?

Think of it this way, our lives are the canvas; God is Bob Ross; and we are...us.

How often do we watch our lives unfolding before us and wonder what in the world God is thinking? "God, how could you put that obstacle there, right in the middle of everything?" "Why would you choose to insert this thing into my life, when it was already looking so nice and perfect?" "Why did you smudge this section, I liked it the way it was?"

God has never failed us before. We have seen him create miracles and beauty and fix problems in the world and in the lives of others around us. Yet, in some strange way, we still think we know what's best...and we still think he needs our advice.

In the end, just like Bob Ross's paintings always turned out perfectly, we have to trust that God knows what he's doing with our lives. God is God, and we don't have the capacity to know where he's going next or what he's thinking. It may look like things in our life are getting ugly, or cluttered, or smudged. But we have to trust the Painter, for he has not created an ugly painting yet.

A Love Story that is Completely Fabricated and Appallingly Sarcastic, in Honor of St. Valentine

February 12, 2008 - Tuesday
Current mood: smitten

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am elated to inform you that I have fallen in love with a rock star. Well, I am not so much "in love", as I have a little crush, and he is not so much a rock star, as the lead singer for a dual-marketed Christian/mainstream light rock band.

Let's call him Buck Hartman. I enjoy his songs and his gruff voice melts me. Buck has long, blonde hair that may or may not be a little greasy. He occasionally wears a beard, and his clothing is typically relatively stylish (except that Don Johnson jacket I saw him wear once). I have never actually met Buck, or seen his face in good lighting, for that matter. But I imagine he smells nice and has a brooding stare. And, being that he and his band mates are from the southeastern part of these United States, I assume he probably uses words like y'all, brisket, sweet tea and ma'am. And he can probably call a woman "baby" without sounding like a creep.

On February 22, 2008, just ten short days from now, Buck and I will finally meet.

My friend Kim has probably been encouraging this crush a little too much, but I don't blame her. What follows has been copied and pasted from an actual email exchange between Kim and me, regarding mine and Buck's potential love story that will begin to unfold on this upcoming Friday evening:

What preceded this email is of no consequence…

Kim: Good job Nic!! That's awesome. Just don't become a floosie. Buck Hartman wouldn't like that ; )

Nicole: Oh yeah, I forgot that I'm going to put all my eggs into the proverbial basket of Buck Hartman. I'm positive that I will meet him and he will instantaneously fall madly and desperately in love with me because in my single word "hello", I will somehow have captivated him more than all the other girls who have been in his life or attended his concerts before...yes, even Haley. Because I am just that magnetic.

Based on my one word, "hello", he will grab me around my waist, pull me into him, and kiss me more passionately than anyone has ever kissed another person before in the history of the world. He will invite me (and my friends, of course), to dinner with them after the show. We will go to IHOP. We will feed each other bites of pancake. We will share a joint orange juice with two straws and both marvel at the horrible taste of the orange juice mixed with the sweetness of the syrup for our pancakes. We will rub our noses together and feel that spark once again.

We will exchange phone numbers and he, because of his unlimited wealth as the front man of a lesser-known dirty rock band, will fly me to every one of their concerts for the remainder of this tour. After the tour, he will spend his weekends in Decatur, wining and dining me to my capacity of wining and dining (minus the wine part, of course).

Then, sometime in July he will ask for my hand, and I will oblige. We will marry exactly one year from now, and ride off into the sunset on a black, diamond-studded horse...because that is just the rocker way.

And so will go the love story of Buck and me. Once February 23 rolls around, if you don't hear from me for awhile, this is why. By February 23, you see, Buck will have so captured my heart that I will have little room for any other social interaction because by day I will be traveling the world with him on his tour, and by night, I will be dreaming of the next day when I will again see my Buck. Please forgive me if I don't return phone calls or emails, but I will simply be too preoccupied with my new love to respond to you. However, you can be expecting a wedding invitation sometime in late December of this year, or early January of 2009.

Kim: Gosh...I love you. You are so hilarious! Do you really want a husband named Buck?

Nicole: yeah...if he plays me songs on his guitar, I'll take a husband named poop!

Currently listening : The Heat By Needtobreathe Release date: 28 August, 2007

Security

February 10, 2008 - Sunday
Current mood: breezy

There are certain things in life you can always count on.

Regardless of whether Puxatony Phil sees his shadow, February 3rd is still really cold.

Orange Juice, when consumed directly after brushing one's teeth, will always be the most disgusting taste one can experience at 7:00 in the morning.

When faced with the likes of Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam, or that big mean dog, Bugs Bunny will always prevail.

Wal-Mart will always have approximately 4 lanes open, out of 57, despite the number of people who complain.

These things in life are constant. They stay the same. And some of them may be uncomfortable or unpleasant, but they still, in whatever strange way, make us feel a little more secure. Like the world is the way it should be.

But there are other things in life that aren't so dependable.

I've been dealing a lot lately with insecurity. Maybe not so much insecurity about myself and my appearance (well....perhaps a little, but that's not the crux of the issue), but more of an insecurity about the future.

I wonder if I'm destined for a life of perpetual loneliness, or whether people think I have everything handed to me because I am employed by my parents.

On a daily basis, it seems a throng of questions race through my mind. Will I ever get married? Should I move back to Tennessee? Am I happy in Illinois? What do I want to do for a career? Should I go back to school? What areas am I lacking in? What aspects of my life need more discipline? How am I ever going to conquer this situation?

And I contemplate. And I worry. And I process. But these thoughts never seem to leave me. I am plauged with them.

Every
Single
Day

As I think about this struggle for security in my life, a few Scriptures come to mind. I know that realistically, if I put the citations down here, most people won't go and look them up...I wish you would, but I know you probably won't. Prove me wrong.
Isaiah 55:8-9
Proverbs 3:5-6
Matthew 6:25-34
Ecclesiastes 3:1-15

The last selection of Scripture is one that is very dear to my heart. Most people know the beginning of this verse. It's the portion of the Bible that was made into that 70's song. For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven...etc. What most people don't understand, though, is that when you read the book of Ecclesiastes, the remainder of the book is quite cynical.

Solomon (the author of the Ecclesiastes), was the wisest and wealthiest man in the world at this time. In this book, he is playing the part of an Aristotle, or a Socrates. He is a philosopher who is deeply troubled by what he sees in the world around him. In this book, we see one phrase repeated several times: "under the sun". When Solomon says "under the sun", he is referring to worldly things. The earth is under the sun. Solomon is speaking of the secular, the earthly, that which is apart from God. Solomon finds great despair in the fact that everyone toils under the sun, day in and day out....and all for nothing. This world is going to disappear and fade away.

Everything that is 'under the sun' will one day be no more.

Solomon, and his book of Ecclesiastes are actually rather bleak. But, in the middle of the book we can find Solomon's answer. His glimmer of hope. His light at the end the tunnel.

Ecclesiastes 3:11-15 (ESV) He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil -- this is God's gift to man. I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that poeple fear before him. That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away.

I love this Scripture. In fact, I love it so much that I got a portion of it tattooed on my body.

This, to me, is the essence of life.

Here, Solomon is saying that in all of our toil, in all of our worries and insecurities, God has made everything beautiful in its time. God has set eternity on our hearts, so that we always know there's something more. But he has not played it out for us completely, simply because, we're not supposed to know the future. God has always been God, and He always will be. We need to sit back, live our lives, and enjoy ourselves. We can't allow ourselves to get caught up in insecurity and questions all the time. God is God, and he has made everything (EVERYTHING, me, my job, my spouse, my future, my house) beautiful in its time.

I caught part of an episode of Seinfeld the other day. The main storyline in the episode is that Jerry discovers that nothing truly bad ever happens to him. Whenever something troublesome comes along, Jerry realizes that "it all works out in the end." I think this is essentially what Solomon is getting at. Why let all that worry weigh you down? It all works out in the end.

Lighten up and enjoy your life.

I hope reading this blog has helped some of my readers who, like me, get caught up in the details of life. I know writing it and reviewing the Word of God has been a much-needed self-therapy session for me.

I just have to remind myself that I love God, God loved me first. God will provide. And the rest is just details.

So what if I don't know what I want to be when I grow up? I already am grown up! Why does my career have to define who I am? And who cares if I can't make a decision about Tennessee or Illinois? I should just be happy and live the fullest life wherever I am.

I wonder if there will ever come a day "under the sun" when my life will be so full, my heart so content, that I won't have any room for worry. Probably not, but I can look forward to the future, when I am in the presence of the One who made everything beautiful in its time, and I can thank Him for providing for me.

May we find security in knowing that we don't have all the answers in life. And may we put our futures in the hands of a God who has made and will make everything beautiful in its time.


Currently listening : Pages By Shane & Shane Release date: 28 August, 2007

High Heels, A Foot of Snow, and My Hero

February 1, 2008 - Friday
Current mood: adventurous

Last winter I lived in the South. Winter weather is handled very differently there than it is here, and I must say that while I thought I was a tough Illinois chick, the snow nearly got the best of me this morning. I missed the snow last year, and I have been longing for a nice snowstorm since I returned to Illinois. Mr. Snow, however, picked the worst possible weekend to try to win me back.

I have been planning to travel back to Nashville to visit for the first time since I moved back to Illinois. The most convenient time for my friends and me happened to be this very weekend. I searched the Internet time and again for the perfect deal on a hotel, and finally came across something that couldn't be beat. A deluxe King Suite in beautiful Brentwood, TN, in a luxury hotel. The catch? It was a non-refundable reservation.

As I watched the weathermen this week, discussing the inevitable snowstorm that was quickly approaching, I resolved to stay positive. "I'm GOING to Nashville," I thought, "And a little bit of snow is NOT going to stop me." And so in mocking defiance, I glared up at the sky and told the snow to bring it.

Last night as I watched the snow falling down, piling itself on my driveway, I maintained my stance. I would not let this snow hinder my weekend plans.

Even this morning, when I glanced out the window to see that our back steps were not visible and my car was buried, I did not lose heart. I just put on my high heel, knee-high boots, my houndstooth print winter coat, my matching scarf and hat and my gloves, and headed outside to show this snow who was boss. You may wonder why I chose to employ the use of my high heeled boots for this experience...well, these boots are the only ones I have that came up far enough on my leg to where snow would not be able to get in. I do own a pair of snow boots (my sister calls them Spice Girl boots because they are all white and maybe a little trampy), but they only come up to about mid-calf, and I was not in the mood to have frostbite on my feet this morning.

So I walked outside in my fashion-forward yet ever-so-practical winter gear, and began brushing off my car. After I had brushed my car, I decided it would be nice for me to shovel a path from the back door of our house, to my sister's car door. I think it was less about me being nice to my sister, and more about me proving that the snow would not bring me down.
By this time, I had already been outside for about half an hour, but I was not cold. As a matter of fact, I was sweating and gross. And my back hurt. I went inside and called my dad, who told me it would be okay for me to just drive through the snow on the driveway, rather than shoveling the whole thing. So I tried it. I made it all the way up to the front of the driveway and got stuck. My car absolutely would not budge. The snow plows had baracaded me in my driveway.

And now I was angry. This snow would NOT have the victory over me and my trip to Nashville today. And so I stomped back up to the house, grabbed my ergonomic shovel, and stomped right back to my car, where I began shoveling. I shoveled like you have never seen before. Snow was flying everywhere. I was grunting with the force of every heavy shovel full of snow I hoisted into the air. After about twenty minutes of this hard work, I was about halfway finished. People had been driving by and staring at me, I think a few even pointed and laughed. It's not every day you see a woman at the front of her driveway in high heels, shoveling snow.
I was almost to my breaking point when I saw him. He was off in the distance and headed straight for me. My hero was on his way. This knight in shining armor did not ride up on a valiant steed, but instead, he was driving a CAT bulldozer. My hero was not clad in a suit of armor, but rather a flannel shirt, jeans and a ball cap. And as he drew near, his smile made me know everything would be better soon. I began to walk backwards to get out of his way and bumped right into my car, nearly falling face first into the snow surrounding my vehicle. The Bridget Jones in me had to rear her ugly head at some point in this romantic fairy tale, I suppose.

I regained my composer as I watched my Superman pull into the driveway once to gather the snow, and then as he repeated again. Had he rolled down his window and asked me to marry him, I would have been in that bulldozer in two seconds. But instead, he didn't say a word. He just nodded, smiled, tipped his ballcap to me, and drove off into the distance leaving only his memory behind.

I felt like Lois Lane....or a princess. And as I prepare to leave for Nashville today, I will once again scoff at the snow and remember my brave champion who so perfectly rescued me from my distress this morning.

Currently listening : The Heat By Needtobreathe Release date: 28 August, 2007

27 Dresses

January 20, 2008 - Sunday
Current mood: thoughtful

There is a new movie out right now called 27 Dresses. It is the story of me. Although, the woman depicted in the film is much sweeter and a far better friend than I am.

But I have been a bridesmaid about 27 times with the promise of several more to come in the future (I've actually been in 5 weddings, but I was using hyperbole for dramatic effect). Make no mistake, I absolutely LOVE being a bridesmaid. When my close friends and family members are getting married, I can't imagine anything I'd rather do than to stand with them in support of the beginning of their new lives. I've had some fabulous times at weddings. I am always left with a story to tell. For example, this summer I was in my cousin's wedding. After I had finished putting my dress on for the ceremony, I realized that my slip was a little wrinkled underneath. As I flipped my dress up to fix my slip, the dress hit me in the face and I was left with a perfect pink lip print right around the knee caps on my lavender dress. It seems like something always happens to create a lasting memory. There are not a whole lot of things funnier than a photographer trying to strategically place your kneecaps so the lipstick on your dress won't show….thanks, Tina.

But with each ceremony comes a little twinge of selfish pain. With each diamond ring a little loneliness. With each bridesmaid dress a little regret. With each wedding announcement a little fear.

The female mind is so complex. I never cease to amaze myself with my thought processes. I can be completely elated for my friend when she gets engaged, and completely heartbroken at the same time. I love my friends and family dearly and I can't imagine a higher honor than to be asked to participate in the most important day of their lives. It must mean I'm special to them. They want to share their joy with me. They want me to help them celebrate. And I am genuinely thrilled to be there.

But at the same time, each step down that aisle makes me wonder if my time will ever come.
My very best friends from college are already married with children. Their lives are so different from the days of sitting in the dorm rooms eating pizza at 1:00 AM. They have children to care for, houses to keep, husbands to spend time with. And honestly, aside from the fact that I can't eat pizza that late at night anymore, my life really isn't too different from my college days.

Maybe I should enjoy my freedom while I have it….but sometimes that's hard to do.
I think back on the past and I realize there were a couple of relationships or hopes of relationships I wasted too much time on. And there have been a couple of relationships or potential relationships I'm afraid I gave up on too quickly. I sometimes wonder what would have happened had I been a little wiser.

And it's not about a wedding. I would get married at the City Hall for the right man. A wedding is a nice celebration, but I really don't care that much about it for myself. I just want some place to settle down. Somewhere that feels like permanence. A place that feels like home. Where I am now, unfortunately, isn't it. My life has been devoid of permanence since I graduated college nearly 4 years ago. I'm just wanting to be settled, and I'm not sure that I will until I have someone that I know I can spend the rest of my life with.

All of this isn't to say that my life is without happiness. I am actually quite happy most of the time and joyful all of the time. I'm not mentally unstable or emotionally underdeveloped. I have a job, I make plans, I go out with my friends, I have a good time, I set goals for myself, I try to improve myself all the time. I go on with my life. But marriage has been a deep longing in my heart since I was a little girl. I'm not spending my days in agony, pining away for a husband, and groveling with God to bring me one. But at times I feel the absence of my husband very acutely.
I don't know why I haven't gotten married yet. Maybe I'm annoying. Maybe I'm too ugly. Maybe I have bad breath. But I have the feeling that it's probably just because I just haven't entered into that relationship yet. And I'm confident that God will provide. The waiting is just difficult sometimes. As I was making a long drive tonight, I heard this new song by my favorite songwriter of all time: Kendall Payne. You can hear the song playing on my profile page right now, but I am also going to type the lyrics here for you to read.
I realize that there are people who have lost loved ones, or who are battling cancer, and I'm whining about feeling a little lonely. I understand that I'm being completely selfish and impatient and pitiful. But I'm so grateful that God loves me in spite of myself, and that He still speaks even when I can't seem to pull my head out of the mud to hear him clearly. If the Creator of love himself is offering these words of encouragement and empathy to me, then I have to feel better about my current and temporary situation.


I Will Show You Love by Kendall Payne
I will show you love like you've never loved before
I will go the distance and back for more if you just say the word
You will come alive again and call the trying times your friend
The pain that you have suffered through will never get the best of you
You will hope in something real that won't depend on how you feel
When you call my name then I will answer
I am on your side though the wind and waves beat against your faith
And you were on my mind when the world was made
Trust in me, my child
Walk out on the water where you have no control
So scared to death of failure, you sacrifice your soul, please let that go
You have climbed an uphill road, you have worn a heavy load
You have cried through endless nights and nearly given up the fight
Watched your dreams like falling stars, the heartaches made you who you are
Now looking back you see that I have always been there
Where you gonna hide, where you gonna hide from me
Where you gonna go, where you gonna go that I can't see
Cause I have heard you cry and it breaks my heart for I love you so
I would never lie, this is not the end, there is still a hope.

To my married friends and family, I love you all dearly and please know that I am truly and sincerely happy for you that you have found stability and someone to share your life with. I look up to you.

For the rest of us, may you find encouragement in the words of this beautiful and eloquent song and also in the Word of the creator of love. Know that you're not alone and that human love will falter and fail, but God's love is perfect.

Currently listening : Paper Skin By Kendall Payne

Feline Defecation

December 20, 2007 - Thursday
Current mood: disgusted

Since moving to my new (old) house, I have had to cope with the lack of a washer and dryer. Up until now, this has been fair, considering I am living in a huge new (old) house rent free. I have simply adopted the ritual of, approximately every 10 days, gathering my clothing items in need of washing and heading over to my parents' house to take care of that, and to (hopefully) get a free meal in while I'm there. You know, just like most single people in their twenties.

Well, one monumental event has forever altered my ritual. One cataclysmic occurrence has rendered my habit of laundry-doing at my parents' house nearly impossible.

It all started last weekend with the Great Blizzard of 2007. I'm allowed to call it a blizzard because of the puny excuse for snow I experienced in Nashville last year. CNN said we had 9 1/2 inches of snow over here in Decatur. I still estimate it was no more than 8, but tomatoes tomatoes, as they say (that expression really doesn't make as much sense in print as it does when you say it).

Anyway, last weekend, I was stuck at my parents' house on Saturday night. On Sunday, I ventured over to my place to pick up my laundry and a few other things. On Sunday night, I began washing my clothes. I had 3 loads total to do. One load with jeans, towels, and darks, one load with whites and grays, and one load with brights...I know, I do laundry like a dude.
I have, for the last ten years of my life, taken care of my laundry needs at my parents' house with no problems other than the fact that the washing machine sounds like a rocket launching in our back room every time it gets into the spin cycle (something about a bearing.....my dad has told me several times before, but I really don't remember what he said, nor do I care). And so because I had never had a complaint about my laundry in the past, how was I to know what would happen this time?

Once I had pulled the last load of clothes out of the dryer, I said goodbye to my family and retreated to the laundry room to pick up my basket. As I picked up the basket, I thought to myself, "Man, something in here just doesn't smell right." But I placed the basket in my car and made the treacherous 3 mile drive back to my place.

You must understand that I have a horrible habit of leaving my laundry in the basket for a few days before I finally fold and hang up the necessary items. I'm a little lazy on that part of the job.

The next morning I woke up and began rifiling through the basket for my work uniform....a pair of jeans and whatever baggy sweatshirt I happen to find first. This morning was not out of the ordinary. I found my blue Old Navy sweatshirt (my very favorite one) and a pair of jeans, along with appropriate under garments. As I was getting dressed I noticed the faint smell of something unpleasant. I remembered that I had smelled something strange the night before as well, but I just chalked it up to my incorrect sense of smell. Sometimes my nose is just off.

For instance, I have always and will forevermore believe that Finesse hair products smell like pepper. I don't know why I feel this way, but my nose just interprets the smell as such. I have also been known to make strange associations with fabric softeners. And I was just sure this is what I was doing this time. I just figured I was misinterpreting the scent of lavender for dirt or something like that. No big deal. And so I spritzed on a couple squirts of my Vickie's Secret perfume and scooted out the door.

Later that night I put my pajamas on and smelled it again. And the next morning when I was, again retrieving clothes from the basket to wear. It was not until later that evening that I finally decided to put my laundry away.

And as I began selecting clothing items from the basket to fold and place in drawers, I noticed that the smell was getting stronger and stronger. And then as I pulled out my brand new black camisole, I realized that it was all clumped up in the corner. And as I began trying to shake it out I understood:
That was no fabric softener I was smelling.

It was cat poop.

Now, I realize it's not very becoming of a woman to speak of such things. A woman should say words like "residue" or "droppings" or "excrement". But I need you to understand, this wasn't a small little morsel of doodie. It was the largest load of cat crap I have ever seen. It was mostly concentrated in two of my garments, with various "prints" left on several others. But seriously, I would have thought it was human poo had I not known better. Never in my life have I seen such a large chunk of kitty caca.

And so I wore cat crap clothing for two days straight: cat crap pants, cat crap socks, cat crap bras, cat crap underwear, cat crap shirts, cat crap pajamas. I'm surprised I still have friends. And I apologize to anyone who had to spend time with me during those two horrible, horrible days.

There are three possible culprits at my parents' house who could have created this masterpiece of muck in my clean laundry.

Veruca, my precious angel kitty would never do such a thing, so that eliminates her.
And my sister's cat Mardi....well the pile of crap was bigger than she was, so I seirously doubt it was her.
Which only leaves Flave-a-Flave. This particular cat belongs to my brother. My brother happened to be extremely angry with me at the time, and plus this particular cat had previously bitten me that day. And so I hereby find one Flave-A-Flave, owned by my brother Mitchell, guilty of relieving himself (in the worst possible way) on my freshly laundered clothing.
There are several important life-lessons that can be garnered from this story:

1. Trust your sense of smell: If something smells like poop, don't wear it.
2. If your brother is angry with you, be sure to keep his cat away from your laundry basket.
3. My parents' probably need to put a litter box in the house again while the cats are inside for the winter.
4. Always fold your clothing promptly after taking it home. Do not allow the feces-infested basket to ruminate the air in your house for two full days before attending to the problem.

I sincerely hope every single person whose eyes gaze upon this story will learn from the pain I had to endure. Do not put yourself through this. Please, let my experience be your lesson. I don't want to have suffered through this traumatic event in vain.

Currently listening : Real By Jake Smith Release date: 31 July, 2007

Argyle Pizza and My True Calling

December 18, 2007 - Tuesday
Current mood: electric

As Christmas is fast approaching, the presents are slowly piling themselves up under my tree.....and at the office.....and in my car. After coming to the realization that these gifts were beginning to take over my most frequented spots, I surmised it was most probably time to attend to the problem.

And I invited my lovely and beautiful friend Amanda over for a wrapping party.

Little did we know the hilarity and wonderment that would soon envelop our little soiree.

Upon Amanda's arrival, we promptly phoned in an order for pizza from our local gourmet (albeit overpriced) pizzeria, Monicals. We were told our pizza would be $538.60, and that it would arrive in 45 minutes to half an hour.

And so we proceeded to wrap. We wrapped our little hearts out. From sweaters to books to DVDs to shoes, we wrapped with every force inside of ourselves. We wrapped to our fullest potential.

And then our pizza came. As we jaunted down to the basement, the fragrance of melted cheese, green peppers and sausage permeated the air. I knew we were in for a treat. As I found my seat and prepared our food for the partaking, I helped myself to a breadstick. Yummy.
When I had devoured the breadstick, I decided that it was time to enjoy some of that fine pizza we had anticipated for such a long time. And as I removed the foil from the top of the pizza (you see, Monicals pizza does not come in the traditional cardboard box used by most other pizza outlets, but rather they delicately place their pizzas on a cardboard flat, strategically put a couple of the Barbie tables into the pizza, and then wrap the entire pie in foil. Once this is accomplished, they place the foiled pizza into a paper sleeve), I noticed that something looked strange on the pizza, but I couldn't quite place my finger on it.

Until I tried to grab my first slice. Someone had cut our pizza into diamond shapes, rendering the act of actually choosing one slice at a time a virtual impossibility. It looked like an argyle sweater.

Now, you may be wondering what could have possibly been so difficult about selecting a slice of pizza if it was cut diagonally. All I can say to you is: You try it. You're expecting to choose a square slice and everything is all melted together. When consuming any ordinary pizza, we don't typically assess where the slices have been made each time we reach for a piece. We normally just assume we will grasp somewhere close and that the pizza is sliced well enough to go with the flow.

Argyle pizza is very challenging to eat, but it tastes the same as any other pizza.

Incidentally, if anyone can tell me why thick crust pizza is sliced into triangular shapes while thin crust is normally cut into squares, they will receive 1,057 bonus points.

After we had done what we could with the argyle pizza, we adjourned to the couch to watch the season finale of NBC's The Biggest Loser. Amanda had not been particularly into this show, but I had watched it nearly every week this season, and I was eagerly anticipating seeing the final results.

I am certain that my readers all know the premise of The Biggest Loser. You try to lose the most weight and not get eliminated so you will win $250,000.00. For most, watching this show would inspire them to begin exercising more and eating less. When I watch this show, I am inspired to eat cookies.

But regardless, I love the show. I have a normal routine as I partake of this program every week. My mother and I guess the weights of the contestants on the show as they step onto the giant scale. Since my mother was not with me tonight, Amanda and I decided to continue the tradition. And as I began guessing, I shocked and amazed my dear friend by estimating the weight of the contestants within one pound....three times in a row!

I think I have discovered my true calling. I will become one of those carnies who guesses people's weight at the fair.

Granted, I was pretty far off base for the rest of the contestants I was guessing, but for that brief span of five minutes or so, I was in a zone.

Currently listening : Biggest Loser By Biggest Loser Release date: 20 March, 2007

Questions

October 13, 2007 - Saturday
Current mood: contemplative

I have been living in discontentment lately. I look at my friends who are married with children or in serious relationships and I wonder, "When is my turn?" And I see more friends who are established in their careers and I think, "Why can't I have that?" And then I see people around me involved in successful ministries and I say, "Where's mine?" My life has become focused on the things I see as missing. And so I have been trying to figure out exactly who I am. I feel like I am missing my own identity. How would I introduce myself to someone? "Hello. My name is Nicole and I.....don't have a husband, work as a secretary for my dad, and I'm not really doing much in the way of living out my faith. I am unsure of where I actually belong....or even feel at home in the world, and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. It's nice to meet you."

I have pondered. I have analyzed. I have sought answers.

And then I realized my problem. I was spending so much time self-reflecting, self-searching, self-helping...when I should have asked the one who knows the answers.

Will God always provide me with answers when I ask? Not necessarily. I have learned that sometimes God chooses to answer with more questions. His thought are higher than mine.

And when I ask "Where is mine?" He says, "Am I not enough?"And when I ask "When is my turn?" He responds, "Do you trust my timing?"And when I ask "Why can't I have that?" He replies, "Do you remember 2 Corinthians 12:9?"

When I am searching for who I am, He tells me, "You know I AM."And when I am contemplating where I belong, He says, "You are in Your Father's arms. Where else would you want to be?"
I can ask where I should go to church, and His response is, "What's more important, going to a certain church or being the church?

I've been listening to a CD I bought the other day (see below), and in the opening song of the album Todd Agnew sings,

I have better questions than I have answers

As a person who always has to have the answers...or even make answers up if I don't know...that is a peaceful realization to come to. And as true as that statement is, I have found that God has even better questions than I do.

Currently listening : Better Questions By Todd Agnew Release date: 17 July, 2007